I saw Stephen King’s IT on Friday (the original day) at the 1:20 showing.

So what?
Why is this remarkable, you ask?

I didn’t feel guilty about spending money on myself for a ticket.
I didn’t berate myself for sitting 2+ hours without at least standing, fidgeting, or doing something.
I broke away from NOA and Irma’s hypnotic bands as she claws her way to my Florida house.
Class is in session and I wasn’t constantly hitting the ‘update’ or the ‘needs grading’ button for new submissions.

Best of all, I went by myself.
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I know it doesn’t seem much, but it is.

This little event was… epic.
I didn’t feel guilty for seeing the movie and spending $4.49 on myself that could have been used on a bill.   (Didn’t buy anything from the concession stand.. but that’s okay.)  I didn’t feel like I was wasting time sitting for an extended period of time and not being productive.  Irma is coming to Florida and Jason actually evacuated… that’s a huge red flag for me.  We never evacuated from anything before, but I couldn’t stop it.  Watching Irma would just cause more sleepless nights.   I couldn’t change the course of the storm, no matter how much I willed it, so I didn’t try.

Instead, I sat alone in a half filled theater.  (This was the earliest showing so it wasn’t packed.) I watched Billy, Georgie, Beverly, and Pennywise wrestle with fear.  I appreciated the change of backdrop from the 60s to the 80s.   I identified with so many of the cultural markers, it was pathetic.

I learned that I am old.  Not like old old, but if I can identify with Rampage, Street Fighter, and being a little jealous of Eddie’s watch…  I never had one, but wanted one…  I’m getting old.

Still love Stephen King.   He’s the king for a reason.
(I’m waiting for a new Creep Show.)

I was reminded that growing up is scary, even without a clown.
We’re lucky anyone survives into adulthood.
Being an adult is scary.

If you’re thinking about seeing it, the film itself isn’t really ‘horror.’  It’s more like what would people do to survive and the acknowledgement of personal fear and how, is possible, to overcome it.   Pennywise is just a social icon that fits the unseen need for expression.

Anyways…
I’m going to try to repeat and see Mother! this Friday.
With my operation looming in less than two weeks, I can’t allow myself to sit around and think about it.   I can’t obsess with any assignments coming in.   Although difficult (I’ve got NOA on another tab watching Irma)….  very difficult… I can’t let myself oppress myself.

It’s hard.   But I saw and did It once.  Maybe I can do it again.