The maid/mother/crone isn’t new to me.
Rather, when I was fascinated with Wiccian, the trio really it home.  I found it echoed in Greek and Roman mythology.   Of course, it’s present in Catholicism and Christianity.  The three can be found in movies, books, and television shows.  Video games have entire constructs about the three.  First thing that pops into mind – Zelda and the Tri-Force.

I think all women follow the path of the three in their life.  Well, at least physically.  When we’re young, we’re the maiden.  Everything is new.  Life is fascinating.  In the mother stage, we create in some way, shape or form.  This doesn’t have to be a child.  It could be a work of art, creating a relationship, or causing a lot of drama.   We give birth to something.   As a crone, we see what we created, realize someone created us, and have the wisdom to just let go.

Women, however, are dynamic.   I think a woman can be a prostitute and still blush when explaining the birds and bees to another.  A young girl can be motherly if the circumstances require her to be.  All women, regardless of age, have the ability to tap into their inner crone if they know how.

Right now, I don’t know what I am.  I don’t know which path I can take.  Physically unable to have a child and not really creating anything… outside these posts every now and then, I’m not really a mother.   The giggly maiden faded a while ago and I’m not sure if I’m a crone… although I think people physically see me this way….  or at least heading in that direction.  I don’t think I’m that old.   I don’t think I’ll ever be that old.

In a way, not knowing how I can define myself in the triad is unsettling.  People like to define things and group them with other similar things.   That’s why we have the periodic table, classify animals into groups, and dictionaries.  It helps organize our mind and make some sort of pattern from the crazy word around us.   At the same time, this type of organization, unfortunately, applies to people.  Blondes can be ditzy without a license.  Scots play golf and white men can’t jump.  It’s the source of our stereotypes, but helps create a definition of who we are which we can follow or rebel.

Since people fit me into one of the roles, when I’m really not what they think I am… course I don’t know what I am… it makes social situations very awkward.  When someone asks about “back in the day,” should I feel complimented because they want an opinion or insulted because they think I’m that old.  I like certain types of clothes that may not be crone appropriate or mother appropriate for that matter.  I can almost hear what people are thinking…..   Isn’t she a little to old for that….

But I’m not old..  I don’t think.   This is my first time being this age… that I remember… so I’m not sure what it is supposed to feel like.  Apparently, everyone else does – including those who are younger than I.

Yet another blog post that sounded good in my head but fades off into a bunch of gobbly-gook.

Bottom line, I’m rather proud that I can flip the world off every morning and do my own thing.  At the same time, there’s no one around here quite like me.  I don’t have a wingman.  I don’t fit in with other people, since I’m not a maid, a mother, or a crone.

I’m undefined.
Should I be lonely or happy?