When I started to become serious with Jason, I used to have these visions/dreams.  They were like dreams, but I actually remembered them and hoped that they were some sort of premonitions of the future.

The last one was several years ago, but I still remember.  I was older, actually probably about the age I am now if not a little younger.  I was dressed fairly formally and coming home from work.  No idea what job I had, but it was some kind of very satisfying office job.  I think I was carrying in dinner in a plain brown bag with thick light brown cord handles.

The house was quiet outside of some really shrill shrieks.  First instinct, of course, was murder.   Something was wrong… seriously wrong… but no, thankfully.  Jason and our child was jumping on the bed like it was a trampoline.  The child was wearing a red cape and some sort of red/blue under-roos.   Jason, funny enough, was wearing matching red/blue outfit – minus the shirt.   (To day, I can’t tell if it was Superman or Spiderman.)

The shrieking was the child’s laughter.   They were practicing how to fly.

I had to bite back my words about them damaging the mattress and how silly the whole thing was, because that didn’t matter.   There was just a feeling of acceptance, love, and peace – to be trite.

I felt that I provided the means and the ways Jason and my (okay, our) child to have a positive future.  To, at least for now, be safe from the world.   To be accepted.  To not be afraid.

It was that feeling that kept me going for several years.
I chose to believe the dream was a vision of the future.

Even as life feel apart, I still held onto that feeling although I knew the chances of it actually happening where becoming slim.   And, well, as of  a couple of weeks ago, that’d never happen.

Maybe another lifetime?