Yes.   Yes.
I did finally take myself to the Cobb for a $5 movie Tuesday.
We all know that this decision took about two months because I’m exceedingly paranoid about money for various reasons.

But, that doesn’t matter.   What does is that actually took me to a movie.  Collosial, in my world.

Fantasy Island wasn’t my first choice.
I was thinking of The Photograph instead since it was around Valentine’s Day but… in the end… something that promised to be a little gruesome won out against something that was probably sappy.    That’s just how I roll.

What can I say?

By-and-large it’s a fairly forgettable movie.
I’d like to think the PG-13 rating really negated any deep psychological horror exploration that the movie could have potentially had.

To sum up the plot –
A bunch of stuff happens.  The bad guy dies.   Mr. Roarke finds his Tatoo, who isn’t all that short.   Life carries on for the Island so nothing really was resolved since everyone will forget after leaving.

Michael Pena is largely a meh Mr. Roarke.   He had big shoes to fill and didn’t come close.

What was more interesting wasn’t the characters, but their age, race, and physical make-up.

I think they were really careful to hit everything that is culturally appropriate right now.

The Chinese character (Brax) is gay and adoptive brother of a white guy (J.D) who is straight.  Unfortunately, the brother combo lacked a lot of depth.   They acted like they where rejects from Saturday Night.

The white blonde girl is the bad guy (Sloane).

The white muscled man sacrifices himself for the good of the Island (Patrick).

Gwen (white-ish), one of the major players, marries an African American and has a child.

Nick, who is only shown for two seconds, is probably of Hispanic descent.

While I like Michael Pena in other movies, he doesn’t quite cut it as Mr. Roark.  I kept hoping he’d tell a story like he did in Ant Man to live everything up.

It seemed that checking off all of these boxes was more important than presenting a much-loved 1980s show to a new generation.  It tried to please everyone of all levels.   Afraid of being bold, it fizzles with forgettable characters, lines, and script.

Very unfortunate.

Definitely not my fantasy island.