after thoughts

Don't live the American dream. Live your dream.

ed

  • 8/15

    I was supposed to have an online appointment with Heather, the Charis Center Neutralist, this morning. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do the BS dance with her as I’m not following the f*ucking pink meal plan. I have no intention of following said meal plan and just didn’t feel like trying to pretend Read more

  • 8/14

    It’s another day of feeling overwhelmed. I’m on high alert for… something. I don’t know what. But something. It’s not really depression, I think. I’m not sad but so full of energy. I don’t fear that something bad is going to happen. Somehow, I * know * that it will. When, to who, and what Read more

  • 7/31

    It’s been tough. Actually, it’s been scary tough – especially over the past couple of days. Yesterday, I went to the doctor with my sister for her appointment. While she didn’t allow me to go back there, I got the gist of it and am highly concerned about what I was told. Not only the Read more

  • 7/11

    Much like Tuesday, this day started dark. I’ve slept too much. Over the past day, I’ve eaten too much. I haven’t done enough. I’ve wasted too much time on things that don’t matter and not enough on things that do. But, I’m trying. Despite the overeating… or perceived over eating… yesterday was pretty good. I Read more

  • 7/9

    I need to get out of my head. Today is kind of unusual. I don’t have a house to clean or any appointments. I keep hitting refresh on my classes and nothing has come in. I should take this time to work on my book, color, read…. do something. I’ve stumbled onto a golden day Read more

  • 6/20

    Yesterday…. Yesterday should have been awesome. I was out with two of my best friends – my mom and little sister. We were all getting facials and my mom a massage from a pricy place downtown. – Jason won a voucher from a wellness fair and that paid for mom’s services. The little sister was Read more

  • 5/26

    Jason has finished Final Fantasy Rebirth… or Remake. Whatever the second one is. He didn’t max out everything but spent over 100 hours of playtime on it. He or whoever bought the game for him certainly got their money’s worth. Jason has moved on to Hades 2. While it’s not officially released, the game was Read more

  • 5/18

    I feel that I survived Mother’s Day fairly unscathed. That holiday is a duel-edged dagger. When it comes to motherhood, I feel an intense guilt and lack of fulfillment as I can never be a biological mother. Cancer and, probably, anorexia stole that from me. But I also feel shame as I feel that I’m Read more

  • 5/3

    Just checking in, really. Trying to get back into the habit of blogging. Couple of news and notes. — Three more sessions at the Charis Center. I’m entering my eighth week which is the final week unless they recommend an additional three. If they do, I’m not 100% sure I’ll continue. There would probably be Read more

  • 3/12/2024 pt 2

    I need to calm down. I’m not sure why but I’m buzzing with energy. I feel tingly like there are ants just underneath my skin. They’re running up my nerves to my throat and making it tight. It was a good day. I drove the truck and it wasn’t difficult. I dumped the trash and Read more