health
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A couple of days ago, I felt almost broken. Not fully broken mentally or physically. Just severely cracked. I think I was feeling kind of peaceful. Kind of accepting. There wasn’t a reason to struggle or fret. I certainly wasn’t in the ‘everything will be okay’ camp but was just tired. It takes a lot Read more
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I don’t want to talk to people from the Charis Center any more. They upset me. They tell me I’m going to die painfully… slowly… although they don’t know what I look like. They just try to cookie cutter me into meal plans without taking into account sensibilities or my personal ideas and options. They’re Read more
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Because I’m an obsessive thinker, I have some additional thoughts about food as a continuation from yesterday’s post. Food, as it is today, isn’t really food. It’s filler. It’s big words made from oils and substances left over from other processes. Food is made from mistakes. It’s not natural. Instead, we have pink slime instead Read more
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I was supposed to have an online appointment with Heather, the Charis Center Neutralist, this morning. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do the BS dance with her as I’m not following the f*ucking pink meal plan. I have no intention of following said meal plan and just didn’t feel like trying to pretend Read more
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It’s another day of feeling overwhelmed. I’m on high alert for… something. I don’t know what. But something. It’s not really depression, I think. I’m not sad but so full of energy. I don’t fear that something bad is going to happen. Somehow, I * know * that it will. When, to who, and what Read more
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Much like Tuesday, this day started dark. I’ve slept too much. Over the past day, I’ve eaten too much. I haven’t done enough. I’ve wasted too much time on things that don’t matter and not enough on things that do. But, I’m trying. Despite the overeating… or perceived over eating… yesterday was pretty good. I Read more
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Jason has finished Final Fantasy Rebirth… or Remake. Whatever the second one is. He didn’t max out everything but spent over 100 hours of playtime on it. He or whoever bought the game for him certainly got their money’s worth. Jason has moved on to Hades 2. While it’s not officially released, the game was Read more
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I feel that I survived Mother’s Day fairly unscathed. That holiday is a duel-edged dagger. When it comes to motherhood, I feel an intense guilt and lack of fulfillment as I can never be a biological mother. Cancer and, probably, anorexia stole that from me. But I also feel shame as I feel that I’m Read more
after thoughts 