Some 15 years ago, when Jason worked at Sears and I at Knology, we were on a carousel.

Our lives were fairly controlled.   We had some time off together.  The work was mostly steady.   We knew what we had to do in our respected jobs day in and day out.  Based upon scheduling, we actually could squeeze a evening walk on the beach, a movie night, and sometimes a crazy Ingress expedition that would keep us out till 4am.  I could plan a ‘me’ evening if I wanted and not feel guilty about it. …  Hell, I could actually have a ‘me’ evening.

Outside of the fear of the stove breaking or the roof blowing off the house, the bills were paid, although the credit card was starting to pile up, we were relatively happy.  Yes, we were clogs in the system, but that was okay.  We wasn’t going forward and barely slipping back.  It was “okay.”   We thought “okay” was enough.

When is okay good enough?
Is it okay to live an okay existence to you?

At one point, Jason and I started to see a pattern between government, business, and society.   Our predictions about our jobs, his retail and mine cable, was — dead on. —  We foresaw the coming of streaming.   We knew Amazon was going to decimate shopping malls.  We painfully felt opportunities shrinking and, somehow, we were not blinded by biased news reports, social media, or false information.. Yes, even then.  We knew about the ‘alternate truth news reporting’ before it became popular.   Rather, we relished it.  Dissecting — reading between the lines and adding the clues together — was a game.  When it comes to games, Jason and I (usually) somehow synch and, not become on the same vibe, but we create our own vibe.

I think the only thing we really wasn’t prepared for was Taco Bell’s use of Doritos.  Seriously.   I wish I wrote everything we speculated on.  It would have been a great checklist.

Because we knew, the working cogs we were started to rust.  Our happy little carousel was not the American Dream, but a delusional circling of a drain.

The gap we perceived between society haves and have nots was becoming a chasm and we were on the wrong side.  Thinking of a possible future, we wanted our children to have the benefits that we never had.   We wanted them to not have the messed up childhood we had.  Also… we wanted to have a second, third, and maybe a fourth childhood together.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so messed up this time around.  Maybe it’d involve a Tesla or McLaren.  Maybe it’d involve an Alaskian cruise or bike tour of England.   Who knows, right?

The American Dream is a piece of $&#(@!.  Honestly.  Do some research… go ahead.  The American Dream may have started with good intentions, but so is the path to Hell.  Like anything, good becomes warped because.. as Dark Hemet (Space Balls) put it… good is dumb.  Careful observations of friends and co-workers confirmed what we had found.  They too were circling.  The dead stick houses would provide occasional small highs, like a tax return, and lows, like broken fridge, but that did not stop the onward march of piling credit card bills, obesity, and health issues.  These things lead to divorce, disillusionment, depression, and anxiety…. all without the people being aware of it.

Like biting into the fabled apple, Jason and I unitedly decided that the carousel like was not for us.   We had to take action.   We knew that we were smarter than that.   We knew that we did not deserve the fate.  Even more so, we did not want to have children who we would struggle to provide for…  who deserved better than what we had… who should not be born to only fall into the chasm as we were.

Young, good intentioned, and dumb, we turned to college.  Society preaches education bridges the divide, right?  At that time, we believed it.  He turned to the University of Phoenix, Northeastern, and, ultimately, the University of South Florida.  In turn, I went into debt and jumped on the master train with National University.  We disowned the American Dream and started work on ours.  Ha ha ha….

We jumped off the shiny and comfortable carousel.  Instead, we bought two bit tickets on a rickety roller coaster – without a safety bar….  and held for our lives.

That old roller coaster plunged…. and plunged… and went deep…  Our friends vanished.  Our relationship became tainted.  Our mental and physical health became unstable.  In short, we experienced the same situations we observed in others… but ours was far more advanced and quick.   However, we held on tight to the hope that the deeper the plunge, the higher the crest… and that’d be the end.  Roller coasters always end on a high note before leveling out to stop.  If we could just hang in there… for one more year… one more bill…  one more disagreement… one more anxiety attack…  our dream would be realized and we could finally be happy.

This is BS.