I think I have a natural allergy to waiting.
Right now, I’m waiting for my sister to wake up so we can go to the gym and she spoils me with lunch at Chilis (or Applebees or Montana Mikes or Texas Roadhouse) and Starbucks.

But, she worked late last night and have never exactly been a morning person, so I’m waiting.

Waiting places me in a quasi-limbo.   I feel like I can’t do anything because I have to be ready when she’s ready.   I don’t want her waiting for me.   However, I like to stay productive and do stuff.  I’m just kind of hoping that I’ll finish this before she wakes least it goes into the pile of saved blogs that I will probably never complete.

Don’t get me wrong.
I really enjoy spending time with my kids, but sometimes I feel like I’m an accessory.  I’m just something for them to pack up when they’re ready like a doll or a dog.  I guess that’s a bit harsh.  My bond with my kids is really strong right now.  It probably hasn’t been this strong since I sent them to their rooms to shield them from dad.

But, here I am.    Waiting.

Okay.  Well…  My new class is going pretty fair.   Although it’s a 101, 99% of the students are women who dream of changing bedpans and sticking needles in people.  That’s fine.  They’re mostly in New England and Wisconsin, so I probably won’t ever interact with them.    Hopefully, they’re as serious as the last term.   Last term was awesome.    The class is only three days in, but we’ll see.   Fingers crossed.

I’ve really, really, really given a lot of thought about participating in the November book writing challenge.   It needs roughly 2000 words a day.   Quantity over quality.  As of today, I’d be about 6000 words behind, so if I don’t start today, I’m probably not going to start.

I know there’s a novel(s) in me.   They’re good ones.   I know I have to write to get them out, but I just seem to have trouble with the writing part.  Which is really kind of ironic because I easily write more than 2000 words when I provide notes to my students on their homework.  I need the muse I had when I was a teenager and actually wrote a book.   It was really crappy, but it was in existence.

The thing is that now would be a perfect time for me to write.  I only have one class.  My time is divided between my kids and personal non-profit pursuits.  Now is probably the best time in my life to write and I’m just pissing it away.    So like me.

I miss my muse.
When I was a teenager, I actually gave him a physical appearance.   No one could see him but me.  I guess you could say he looked likes a typical incubus.  Although, to be fair, I didn’t know what a typical incubus looked like at that time.   It was all about the succubus.   Incubus was practically unknown.  He has silky black hair.   The curls fell to his shoulders.  A broad and well-toned chest with December blue eyes.  He was deeply tanned – a perfect all over tan – with strong arms that wrapped around me.

I only saw him..   well, rather felt him while I was sleeping.  I felt so safe, secure, and nurtured in his arms.  His presence eased all of the craziness.   His warmth made me feel radiant, despite what I looked like on the outside.   I could hear his heart and knew it beat for me.  He knew what I was on the inside and did not judge me or even make me think he would.

Oh yeah…  I forgot the wings.   Raven wings.   But, unlike most winged creatures, these were in proportion to his body.  They were huge and actually worked.  They were beautiful and let me know he could take me anywhere.   We could escape in an instant, although we never did.

Somewhere along the line, I must have scared him or unintentionally cast him out.  I’m not sure how.  But, wow, I would love to have him back.   Silent. Accepting.  Kind.  Non-judgemental.  Loving.  Encouraging.  Understanding.    Not so much a friend, but a partner.   A muse that brought out my very best.

Hum…   sister is up.
Least that’s one thing about this house.  Two out of the five inhabits have hearing loss and the doors creak.   It’s easy to tell when something happens just by listening.

Guess I should put on my shoes, a hoodie, and get ready to head out.
If the sister doesn’t fall back to sleep, I should be leaving soon.  Probably within the next fifteen minutes.

See…  I could do the November writing thing.   I’ve nearly written 1000 words just rambling here.

Blah blah blah.
Okay.    Have a great day.