Here I sit, like a twit – waiting on the air conditioner guy from the soon to be defunct Sears.

I have no energy today.
I did a lot yesterday.    There’s still a lot to do, just a slightly lesser amount.  I just don’t know what my deal is.    It’s practically noon and I’ve done nothing – except overeat and take a nap.

I hate it when I get like this.
The whole shame/blame cycle kind of creeps in.
I wish the repair guy would just get here so I can go already.

It also feels like I kind of did something wrong.
The boy’s biggest fear was the kitchen sink.  The pipe that connects the drain to the sewer was seriously corroded.   Being the original copper from when the house was built, the pipe was mostly green instead of gold. It had significant and multiple holes.   It needed to be repaired.

Very understandably, he was afraid of the cost of repair.  Money is tight.
So, I bit the bullet and fixed it.   He won’t have to wash dishes in the bathroom or be impacted on a credit card.   I took care of it.

So, I’m not sure why I have this uneasy feeling.

Then again, maybe my lack of energy is this house.
Truthfully, I made these walls into my prison for a long time.   I ranted, raved, cried, and obsessed.  I was holding the roof with my shoulders.   The yellow kitchen walls may have well been yellow wallpaper for me.  (Don’t know that reference?  Check Shirley Jackson.)

Earlier this year when the area was evacuated because of hurricanes, some part of me secretly hoped that the house would be ravaged by the wind so we could… somehow… rebuild.

I mean, I’m not an arsonist.   I’m not going to set this place on fire.
I don’t hate it and I, just yesterday, spent a lot of money on it.  I just don’t like feeling bound here – not even a little bit – not even waiting on a repair guy that has five more hours to show.

I guess we can chalk it up to a psychological thing.
I need to remember and make good memories here.   I need to feel that I’m not bound anymore.  That’s something that I have to deal with.

Well, after today, I’ll only have one more day like this.   That’d be waiting on the ceiling fan guy.   Yep! We’re getting a new ceiling fan in the bedroom because the other fell down with most of the ceiling a couple of years ago.  I don’t know what idiot house builder decided to put the air handler (furnace) in the attic.   But, he did and it was stupid.   It fell on the side of the bed I sleep on, but I wasn’t there.

Hey lolli lolli, get your adverbs here.

I need to do something that’s not in front of the computer.
I don’t have to do this now.   I don’t need to bring myself down.