It’s been a few days since I wrote.

Hi.
Can’t believe Christmas is almost here.
That’s crazy.   It really is.

I’m pretty much stuck here for the next couple of days.   When the weatherman says it’s going to be rainy and “miserable,” that’s a good time to stay inside… although I’d still rather go to the gym or something, but that’s all right.  I need to get used to staying in a little, right?

If I don’t stay in, I don’t write in my blogs.
Aren’t you lucky?

It has been a kind of dizzying past couple of days.
The boy has been trying to break his mental blocks.  Part of that was a trip to Tampa and surprise tickets to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. –  Section 115, row P, seat 15 and 16.

The TSO has been on the one-day list for over five years.  I put it there because I like rock music, laser shows, and some Christmas music.  I thought the boy might like it and it seemed like a natural extension from Video Games Live, which we both adore.

He paid for the tickets with the raise he received from being promoted to level two at work.

How this breaks a mental block.
First, we actually went to Tampa.  This is something we did during easier days with Ingress.   It was pretty fun.  It a reason to get out, meet people, and see some of the sights.  But, when things got bad, we stopped going out all together.

The lack of time, missing sleep, lack of funds, and our decaying relationship turned the one-day list, which was full of potential, into a list of forbidden activities.  There was always something important then what we wanted to do.  There are things that we had to do.

Those ‘have to do things list’ hasn’t gotten any shorter.
The outside door needs replaced.   The house could use a new roof.  Kitchen cabinets…  They were cheap to start out with and the 60 plus years the house has been in existence hasn’t been kind to them.   Then there’s the…. yadda yadda yadda.

What it really boils down to us never having quite enough for the repairs, but refusing to do anything because we are trying to save to improve the house and just to get by.

But, it really goes a bit deeper than that.
A long time ago, we took a hard look around and saw people our own age doing what they want, – having children, taking trips, going to movies, indulging in expensive hobbies, cruises, buying new cars…   However, they were juggling debit between five or six credit cards on practically a monthly basis.

I don’t know if it’s our duo collective groupthink or the way we were raised, we felt that need should come before want.   We saw all of these people indulging in wants while the needs were left unanswered.

They were happy, for the most part, from what we could tell.  But, we knew, at one point, their lifestyle was going to catch up with them and the happiness they experienced now would be fleeting.  What would they have left after all of the credit cards are exhausted?

Debt and misery.

We didn’t want to do that, so we took the misery early.  Although, rather unfairly, debt also followed.  Hence, the origination of the one-day/forbidden list.  One day we would do this.

And one day, last Sunday, we did.
We saw the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, paid $40 for a couple of outrageously priced grill chicken sandwiches, listened to some good music, wondered at how the violinist could keep up with the guitar guys, and I got a decent headache from the flashing lights.  Dern low pigmentation.

For some, maybe even for most, spending a day in a big city and going to a concert isn’t that big of a deal.  Maybe it’s a once a year occurrence or even more.

Last Sunday was six years in the making – and that’s not the oldest thing on the list.

So, both of us broke some mental blocks.
The boy bought the tickets and, bonus, he actually kept them a secret from me (for the most part.  I knew something was going on by the way he acted but had no real idea what.)  For my part, I did my best to enjoy it and not fall back on the horrible habits of criticizing feeling insanely guilty for going.

Between the compromises that we both made in an attempt to enjoy ourselves, it was a good day.

Having a good day out should not be that hard.
It just shouldn’t.

But, little steps, right?

—   Just got a call from mom telling me to call Doc P.   She’s my primary care.
Mom thought it might be something about my mammogram.  But, it couldn’t be, right?   That was over a week ago.  It can’t be about that cancer thing.    That won’t be rechecked until June.

Whatever, right?
Right now my today list is cleaning the house and maybe figuring out how to connect the PS3.   Playing Catherine is on my personal one-day list and has been so for about seven years now.

If I’m going to be stuck inside because of the miserable weather, I may as well work on a mental block, right?    Always being industrious.   I don’t consider that a block, but I do need to let things go a bit, maybe.

I don’t know.
It’s complicated.

Anyway, if I don’t tap in again, happy holidays.