I passed through Macy’s last night while chasing down a Snover.
(Yeah, yeah.   I play Pokemon Go.  So what?)

Anyway, I saw these black sequin boots.  From toe tip to high heel to knees, they were nothing but plastic black sequins.   You know what I’m talking about, right?   It’s not beads, but flat plastic disks.  About a million of them all sewn up together per shoe.

I just couldn’t help but take a picture and send it to mom and Bo-Becca. Their gaudiness, total lack of function, and price – over $200 for those abominations made me feel like I needed to share.  The sensible Hoosier in me was a little offended and humored by how they were placed where everyone coming in the store had to walk by them.

But, I didn’t have wonder who would buy something like that.   The couple behind me became excited.  “Mimi would like those!”    I don’t know who Mimi is, but she’s more than welcome to them.

Macy’s is one of the few retailers that America has left. Major props to them for not vanishing as Carsons and Sears did.   While they flirted with bankruptcy, it wasn’t to the extent as JC Pennys.  They’re still in trouble now, but things are supposed to become better, eventually.

They’ve changed a lot since I stalked their clearance for Ralph Lauren jeans that my size two anorexia self could wear.

Anyway, I digress.

Outside of Florida, California, and maybe Texas, maybe New York, I can’t think of any place where these knee-high sequin-studded liability lawsuits would take valuable shopping end-cap space.

I guess I’m getting a little crotchety in my old age, much like the boy and his lawn, but I couldn’t see my 15-year-old self wearing those either.  It’s like they’re from a different culture.   No, an alien planet would be a better fit.

It falls neatly into my running theory of how different states are just different.

Take Floridians, for example.

This time of year, there’s an outside tent at the mall producing fake snow for children to play in.    I’m not sure how much it costs, but I’m sure it’s more than just a dollar.    Keeping a tent at just the right temperature to maintain and create snow, plus the liability would be staggering.

Floridians tend to have a fondness for blow-up snowmen, Santas, and reindeer.  “Let it Snow!!!!!!!!!!!” signs decorate perfectly green yards that are still being mowed – in December.

How do these people who want it to snow every year – in Florida – fit in with global warming?  I guess they’re pro?   They want the weather patterns to change so their beloved green December grass will wither and die under frost enlaced snow?

I grew up in a place where snow was pretty common during winter.   As a child, I loved it.   As an adult, I don’t.  I can understand the fascination with snow.  It appears in every Hallmark Christmas special.  Santa flying through snow filled sky and landing snow-laden roofs is in commercials, advertisements, books…  it’s everywhere.  Snow can be cool, theoretically and literally speaking, but is that really a reason to take this time of year to remind children that they’re not going to see real snow?

If every child wanted snow for Christmas and were good beyond belief. Santa still wouldn’t drop snow in Orlando.

It’s like a cruel joke.
A child may be good enough for a bike, but not to make a snow angel.

The boy’s grandmother has it right with a lighted alligator and flamingo on her front lawn.  Those are doable.

It’s just weird – and really tacky – and just a little hypocritical.  Like those boots.