Another odd day.

Yesterday, I had the full intention of going to the gym, doing homework, and eating a pint of Arctic Zero I bought for myself.   Rather, little sister bought for me at the same time she bought herself B&J’s Cinnamon Bun, which disappeared after two days.

I opened my eyes this morning, about five am, and just hard stalled.  So far, I haven’t done nothing today save a little bit of classwork.  It’s almost noon and I’m still in my highly unattractive fuzzy pj pants.  I’ve only ventured outside my room for a cup of hot chocolate and a bowl of corn flakes.  I went to the bathroom a couple of times.    That’s about it.  Oh, I had a Halo too.  I’m usually not big into citrus, but they taste good this year.

This is kind of a weird shift for me.  I’m usually out and about.   I’ve been called “industrious” as a type of insult.  But today…  today, I just wanted to stay wrapped in the blankets.  I’m fortunate that I’m in a period of my life where I can do that if I really want.  I imagine that at some point this evening, I’ll return to my blankets, still wearing my highly unattractive fuzzy pjs, and watch some anime on my little smartphone screen because my Surface doesn’t work well anymore.

Hopefully, I’ll feel motivated enough to send out a couple of Easter cards, order a birthday present, and do some other stuff.   But, I’m just not feeling it.

Maybe it’s depression.   Anxiety.   Whatever the difference is.  I don’t know.

I think I’m so on-the-go because I felt like I was trapped for so long.  I couldn’t stand it and the situation really damaged me mentally.  But, I can’t keep running forever.  I’m a homebody, actually.   Well, maybe not as much now as I was before, but I like cleaning and yard work.  I can’t very well be a writer on an elliptical.

I need to moderate myself and find a balance.   But, I’m not very good at finding balances.   I’m either one way or the other.  Extremes are my moderate.   That’s not right.   I’m aware of that, but I have a difficult time understanding what the extremes are because they seem normal to me or I justify them with some not-so-full-proof reasoning.

That’s why I think it’s really important to have someone in my life who will help me regulate exactly what being moderate is without being too extreme or a shut-in.  If someone is overly outgoing, I’d probably run myself to death.   On the other hand, if they feel trapped, I’m going to feel trapped.  Feelings of resentment will surface.

So, I guess I want someone who just wants to have responsible fun without maxing out the credit cards.   Is that even possible in this day and age?

——-

Got derailed.
Ventured outside of the room for a minute and was successfully detained by mom.   Which isn’t a bad thing.   I love my mom, but we had a two-hour conversation about how the world is going to Hell, Jesus’s brothers, immigrants, gays, and politics.  The Clintons were scattered in here and there along with the end of times.

Again, I love my mom.   I absolutely adore her.  I’m glad that she can talk to me about stuff like this and I, sometimes, manage an intelligent reply.

But, the state of America, the future state of America, and the second coming of Hitler really don’t interest me.  From an academic and psychological point of view, I find it really fascinating and try to keep tabs on everything.  It’s like a giant petri dish experiment of how literature, art, society, and politics parasite on each other.

Personally, I don’t care.  That’s the wrong attitude, I know.  Still, I’m not having children at this point.  Given the path my brother and sister are on, I’d say their chances of reproducing are slim.  Mom is going to be out of the running before anything major happens.

Regardless, there’s not a whole lot I could do anyway except join an underground resistance.  I’m just not really worried about the far-reaching future.

So, hakuna matata.

It’s just annoying that gas prices are nearly $3 right now, but it’ll go down sooner or later.  /shrug

I don’t know.
I was going to write a lot more but I’m seriously blanking right now.

You got off easy.

Peace.