I’m in a unique situation.

I’m the oldest of three siblings, who are all in their 40s, who still get along with each other.  I think that’s something my dad never dreamed possible when he is, in part, responsible for our unity.

Sure, we think and say bad things about each other every now and then.   We’re human.   That’s how we vent.  But, if the zombie armageddon came, I’d want them in my corner.   I know they would protect me and I would absolutely die for them.

That’s not something that every group of siblings can claim.

When they suffer, I suffer.
When I suffer, they kidnap me and take me to doctors.

Pretty much equivalent exchange, I guess.

So, my little sister has been struggling with obesity all her life.
The reasons are too complicated to get into, but she’s probably bigger than I ever was — and that’s scary.

I’ve seen how this affects her first hand.
Coat shopping in the woman’s department — next to impossible for her.   Most of the stores don’t have the clothing styles she likes in her size.  Watching her goodwill and excitement drop to below zero when we mosey into the men’s department is heartbreaking.

Having been small and big, people treat a person based on their physical size worlds differently.   It’s almost like night and day.  People tend not to treat each other like people, but societal perceptions.  Once it’s seen, it’s hard to unsee and no one really understands until they’re on the other side.

Well, little sister will always be young in my heart, but she’s not that young in life anymore.

She’s been fighting pre-diabetes for years.  Her weight fluctuates a little, but not much.   She’s obese but has remained steady until this Covid thing.  I think she’s blossomed by about twenty pounds.

Thankfully, she’s not stupid.
Before all this mess, she had planned on losing weight and having a stomach reduction.  Doctors have suggested this to her for years and she finally made up her mind to do so.   Much like everyone in the family, when an important decision is made, it’s best to respect it because it’s not going to change.

I absolutely support her in her decision, but she still knows that she has to lose weight.

For the past two days, I’ve gotten out of the house to go walking.
Since all the gyms are closed, I do my very, very, very best to walk 10k steps a day.    It helps me with my eating so I don’t feel guilty.   It also helps clear my head and keep me sane.

Both days, I’ve invited little sister to go out with me.
Each day she declined.

Rather, she preferred to stay in her room watching animes and old shows on various streaming services.

But — at the same time — she tells me how much she is looking forward to shopping in the women’s section of stores.

It’s just not balancing out for me.

There can’t be one without the other.
This is a form of self-sabotage — something I’m also intimately familiar with.

It’s okay if I do it, but it’s seriously not okay when she does it.
For peace of mind, I’m not even going to get into what she ate today.

She’s my sister.
I love her unconditionally.

I’m just very concerned because I would like to continue to have a little sister for as long as I live

I’m just really worried and scared for her.