I am honestly trying to get back into the habit of writing every day.

At one point in my life, I wrote at least two hours a day every day.   If I didn’t, I felt like I wasn’t doing justice to myself.    I was excluding something vital.

Then a bunch of stuff happened and I feel out of the habit.     So..   this is what I want to do.    Try to get back into it and feel comfortable enough in my own head to create stories again.

So, bear with me.
Course — constant and sincere support helps.  =)

I’d also like to start yoga again every day, but one thing at a time.

I think my ability to write develops when I have control of myself and my immediate surroundings.    If my mind controls my body, mental superiority allows me to open things up.   To really examine what’s going on.    To shape.

That was an old nom-de-plume of mine — Lady Shaper.

If I don’t have some sort of control, I have a very difficult time expressing myself.

Stephen King draws inspiration from what he’s afraid of.    Mary Higgings Clark turned to writing as a last ditch effort to send her children to school.   JK Rowling came up with her stories while being bored on a train during a messy divorce.

I guess I’m the opposite of them.
I need to feel stability.

Weird.
Weird, weird, weird.

I won’t feel stable for most of tomorrow.    Nothing to make me unstable as seeing the p-sychiatrist.   Even if it’s over Zoom, the barely half an hour conversation builds up a lot of angst that takes most of the day to get rid of.

But I have to go through it to keep getting my mind-altering medications so I don’t freak out so much.

Thank you fuzzy brain and years of panic attacks.

But, hey, isn’t mental illness hip right now?

Do people even use the word hip?

Wow, I’m tired.

So, here’s to stability — controlling what I eat, how I respond, the way I act.

I’m trying to get better.  honest.