Super lazy day.

It rained most of the day, so I opted to stay in.
I’ve walked quite a bit over the past two days. So, I’ve been putting up with this dull ache in my knee and shoulder all day. It didn’t help that I woke with a massive headache.

What’s up with that?
At one point, I rarely had headaches. Now it seems that around once a week, I have a bad one – some to the point that render me mostly helpless. If I don’t forget, I’ll bring it up with the doctor. I got about a week and a half to go before that.

Maybe it’s just age catching up with me.

The weather change from 80s to 60s has made me feel a bit achy, but I can tell the difference. Isn’t it a bit odd how I can tell what ouchie is caused by what?

Dunno… Rambling.

I had it set in my head to clean the house.
Not that mom’s house is dirty or anything, but I was going to clean the bathroom and straighten up my room. But, little sister came home for a day. I guess I used that as an excuse not to do anything and, true to form, I’ve only done the barest required of me today.

Not doing anything causes conflicted feelings.
I feel like the day is wasted, but it’s nice to be in a position to waste a day.
Previously, I’d be driven to do… something… anything. That’s a trait of a mastermind. But, now, not so much.
Maybe that just goes to show how much I’ve had to (in most cases, unwillingly) change in the past five years.

Bummer.

I don’t need to put myself down right now.

Tomorrow, it’s supposed to be 70.
I will absolutely be out and about tomorrow. I may even attempt to, once again, buy myself lunch.
Which I will probably fail at. When I go out for multiple hours, I’ll bring a granola bar and buy myself a $1 drink at McDonalds. I’d rather keep the $10 in my bank account than have a nice salad or slice of pizza. Course, this is just when I’m alone.

If I’m out for someone, I feel like I eat for social reasons. It’s better to just bear it instead of making everyone upset like I did when I was little. But, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have a granola bar and some non-calorie sports drink while out and about. It’s just a view that I have that’s not shared by a lot of people I know.

But, the main thing is that I will go out tomorrow.
This affords me a freedom that I don’t feel like I have in Florida.

In Florida, I’m with Jason.
He works from the house now, so I sit in the house with him. I modified my work hours to match his… for the most part.

When in Indiana, I’m with me.
If I want to go to the gym or walk around town for a while, I will. I don’t have another half to think about. If I don’t want to spend money on eating out, I don’t. If I want to go into a store, I will. If I want to see a movie, I can.

Huge difference.
And, although I miss him, I quite enjoy time to myself.
There aren’t any debates… save for the internal eating out thing. I can do as I please.

I like that too.

Um…
I keep thinking about the two shootings.

There was one in Colorado and one in Georgia.
Innocents where killed. Both where committed by white-ish looking men.
Roughly, they are the same age. They killed about the same number of people. I think the Colorado shooter got two more than the Georgia one. He killed two in the parking lot before going into the store to shoot eight more.

Both killers have a history or claim to have a history of mental illness.

Okay, but the one in Georgia shot those of Asian decent while the Colorado guy shot white people.

So… Okay.
But, the Georgia guy was said to have frequented those places… which I don’t see why he would do if he was racist. He probably knew their names and personalities. The Colorado guy shot people he probably didn’t know at all.

I’m not quite seeing how this is hate crime.
I think it’d be a whole lot more difficult to shoot people you know, even if just a little, than it would be a group of strangers. Well, I think it would be for me. Even if I didn’t like someone enough to shoot them, I wouldn’t.

Someone who would may have a mental illness.
Stands to reason.

But, what if some of the people the Colorado guy shot wasn’t white?
What if the grocery store had a multi-cultural mix of customers during that faithful 2:30?
If some of his victims where Asian and African American, would his killing spree be considered a hate-crime?

Would that make white killing whites somehow okay when compared with whites killing non-whites?
(Added thought — What if the Colorado guy didn’t identify himself as white? Maybe he feels that he’s more connected to another culture so him killing exclusively white people *is* a hate crime.)

It’s about the same crime, legally.
It’s murder.

Would the Colorado guy be given better treatment and a lighter sentence than the Georgia guy?

If so, that’s really not fair.

Will the Colorado guy be more inclined to have the mental illness testimony than the Georgia one?

That’s not fair either.

And what about Covid?

I have read so many articles about how Covid has created and encouraged mental illness in people.

Would the deaths of innocents be blamed, in part, to Covid?

I don’t know.
I’d like to say that I’d follow these stories, but I know I won’t unless they stay in the headlines… which they probably won’t.

The Georgia guy has more of a chance than the Colorado guy… but, that’s not fair either. They should receive equal headline time.

Anyways…

This isn’t making my headache better.

But, at least I did write something.
I should be a little proud of myself that I did do at least that today.