Last week… was it last week…?

I had a CT brain scan because my… Let me back up.

When I was in Florida, I was plagued with a series of headaches.
Some left me unable to eat. Others just shut me down for days. I could barely function, let alone think.

Looking back, a lot of the past six months was pretty miserable.

Anyway… I told the primary care and she thought ‘tumor!’ and off I went for a CT scan.

The results came back, astounding enough, as ‘normal.’ Not that my brain is normal in any way, shape, or form. But, apparently it’s good at mimicry.

So, I’m left to attempt to find the source of the headaches.
It’s not medical, could it be psychological?

Possibly.
It’s no secret that I do a lot more adulting in Florida.
Adulting, not like adult relations, but feeling like an adult. =)
I think that there’s more struggle there and uncertainty.
— Not that that’s bad. I’m not one to want to ride a carasoul my entire life. There’s got to be some roller coaster somewhere.

But, maybe it’s the feeling of helplessness that eventually sets in.

Also, I center my days around Jason. I try to mimic his schedule which leads to a feeling of self-abandonment. Well, at least last time it did. I think that’s given, in part, to him working from home.

Before, when he was at work, I’d go to the gym or just do whatever.
I wasn’t constantly wondering if he was upset, hungry… or just anything. I was hyper focused on him.
I know I shouldn’t be and didn’t have to be, but I was anyway. Something just communicated fragility.

It was self-draining and that may have been a source of the headaches.
Migraines. The doctor called them migraines.
Migraines bad enough to warrant an expensive CT scan. (Thank goodness for insurance.)

The other possibility I can thing of is actually pretty simple – soda.
I had just about weaned myself off carbonated drinks. In Florida, I drunk massive amounts. Jason and I both did.
Maybe all the bubbly was making me ill.

It’s definitly a possability.
Now that I’m back on a mostly tea and water drinking diet, the headaches have considerably quelled.
There is absolutely a headache more than there probably should be – several times a week. But, it’s not to the point to where I sleep the morning away and vomit broccoli in cars.

But, that’s a really extreme reaction. I think it is.

Mom thinks that it was just the weather.
It’s a different climate in the south than the north. True enough, but I’ve been going back and forth for years and nothing like that has happened before.

So… I’m thinking… that even if Jason is working from home, I should still keep up some of my routines and habits that helps make me me instead of voluntarily allowing myself to be absorbed.

I shoud really cut back on the soda.

And, I think it would be helpful if I felt like I was taken seriously a bit.
Like, if we can’t go out for a walk because of weather or something, then we should go to the gym… even if he doesn’t like it. Then, when he asks for my input, I would actually feel validated.

Ultimately, I think that this means — even after all these years — I still don’t have anythign figured out at all.