The home improvement/renovation is going far to slowly for my liking.

I figured that I’d be painting the walls, looking for someone to paint the outside, and have a new garage door and opener by now.

But, I got to pace myself.
I’m here till March and rushing through everything probably wouldn’t be to my advantage.
I can’t be sure what unknown costs could be just around the corner in relation to – well, everything.

It’s all about pacing and moderation, right?
F**k that. All or nothing. I feel like a tsuami being held back by a New Orlean flood wall.
I feel like I could easily overcome it but it wouldn’t be prudient and I might be left with a lot of regret.

Well… that could be said the other way too.
I may lose my drive to move and start to just store all this energy again with no idea when it could vent.

Either way.
Being able to park the car in the garage should be considered a major achievement and one that is probably about 50% complete.

Tomorrow… tomorrow, I’m going to the gym or something.
I’m already feeling smothered and class hasn’t started.

This coming weekend should feel like an achievement.
Labor Day weekend is Jason and my unofficial official anniversary.
I’ve long lost track of how many years. But, being together is a resounding accomplishment in itself. That is a significant reason so significant, but I don’t have anything planned and nor am I expecting anything.

There is work to do and much solace to be had that we’ve made it this far.
A lot of people haven’t, won’t, and can’t. I guess the best way to celebrate is to continue to do what we do.

…. The electrician is late. If he’s not here in a couple of minutes, I’m calling the office.
I could have went to the store or something, but chose to stay and wait for him.

Called…. the lady who answered the phone doesn’t know.
Still, the paper we got from the guy last week said he’d be out tomorrow – not today. I think the office messed up somewhere. But, that’s okay. I’m here waiting anyway.

I’ve got to do something tomorrow… gym… paint.. something.
Probably gym. I’ll get my butt up early enough to go before it gets to be to warm. Maybe I can get Jason to pump the air in my bike tires. I’ll go riding or something.

Anyway, the guy showed up. Okay.
Not the same guy as last week. This one seems a little duh, but that’s okay.
As long as he’s effective.

Another reason why I’m not expecting a lot for anniversary is because of Jason’s mom.
I’ve been here for the past two weekends and everything seemed to evolve around doing something with her or waiting to do something with her.

This is conficting.
Yes, I understand that she’s getting older, Jason is more accessable to her than her other sons, and Jason wants to make sure she’s not taken advantage of. I get that. I understand. It’s actually something that should be respected.

But, that doesn’t mean that I have to like it or even want to be apart of it.

Jason and I spend half the year apart. We can understand how important it is to spend time together and actually doing things – even if it’s just playing a game together or just walking in a park. Get it, got it, but it doesn’t have to be all the time.

This situation is part of the reason, I think, why I felt rindered so helpless last time.

It ain’t happening this time.

Even if it means Jason going out with his mom without me during the precious weekend hours, that’s fine. It’s my decision on how to spend my time. When he gets back from his mom’s dinner, I’ll be here.

I might go with him sometimes, but not every damned weekend.

A girl can only be asked for so much before the bars of imprisonment begin to appear.

Saying is one thing and doing is another.
I’ll just have to see how much I can live up to my convictions.