What does it matter?

Saddy paced in her room. Her blue-green eyes darted out the window, to the walls, to the floor. She tugged a long strand of strawberry red hair that hung down her face while biting her lip.

Surely, Aldren wouldn’t have found another. He wouldn’t have fallen for another, for Gabs. Would he?

She examined her words. Words have power, after all. Would that mean that Aldren had fallen for her? Had he fallen? Had he stopped being himself so he could be in a relationship with her? Would finding another meant that he found himself?

Saddy paused. Had she fallen for him? Does that mean that once they kissed, that she was no longer herself as well?

She sat down and curled her hair around her fingers to create a tight knot. She tugged. The pain was more sharp and centralized. A drop of blood came from her lip. A staggering breath came from her lips.
Closing her eyes tightly, she reached inward, pushing aside hazy hot thoughts and emotions.

Opening her eyes, she forced the situation into sharp angles and clear boundaries. She needed to think.

First, Saddy admitted that she couldn’t be fully certain that the kiss she witnessed meant anything more than a kiss. A kiss wasn’t sacred. While Aldren didn’t initiate it didn’t mean that he wanted to receive it. He didn’t seem startled but, maybe, he was too polite to reprimand her.

Maybe?

Saddy’s mind was reaching but realized that there could be more to the situation than she realized.

It would be faulty for her to assume that a kiss meant more had happened. He didn’t stroke her neck. She didn’t touch his bare chest. He didn’t place his hands around her hips.

Her internal thoughts flooded with intimate images. She bit her lip until the drop became a small stream. She pushed the thoughts aside by waving her hand, concerned by how easily these thoughts surfaced, and how she had leaped over the divide between logical and presumptuous.

They had never made it a secret that they weren’t married. They had both agreed that the time was not right and the world was not stable. They wanted children and, given the darkness in the world, they would have children later when they could be stable. When, presumably, the world was whole.

But, that was several years ago. Saddy caught her gaze in the mirror. She knew she was no longer young. The ability to have children had left her years ago. The topic and options of their future weren’t fully discussed in depth.

She had thought that they would continue as they are, in love but not lovers. Supporters, friends, and comrades. They held each other, she thought, with the deepest respect. They would, somehow, always be tied together at the heart.

But, in retrospect, it was foolish of her to expect that his want of a family would diminish although she couldn’t carry a child.

Perhaps it was just for Aldren to find someone who could fulfill his desires and wishes. Gabs was, perhaps, that woman. It was not for her to say.