I’ve been hesitant to post here.

Over a month ago, “apparently,” something I posted was misinterpreted.
That tricked down to my mom who had a difficult conversation with Jason. Then, he told me and we got into an argument which lead to him doing something that upset me for weeks.

It was just a mess.

One I hope is never repeated. I strive to live my life as drama-free as possible and that incident caused a lot of drama. It also felt like a violation and put me off from writing.

So… don’t do it again. I need to write out my thoughts and, horrendously, attention to write a book. I would hate to just make everything private and continue to lock out people who are important to me.

I’d do it too. It’d sadden me, but I would.

Anyways… I am back in Indiana.

Persephone has returned to roost. Last Friday, I popped off the plane. Oddly enough, Florida was 82 and Indiana was 28. That was a riot. The first couple of days were glorious. It wasn’t too hot or cold. … just a little nippy.

I had that wonderful feeling of my roots sinking back into the earth, combining, reacquainting, and becoming a part of the land and people around me.

Although I miss Jason, of course, there’s a feeling of stability here that I have never felt in Florida. It’s like being constantly on alert from… everything, really. Even worse, everyone. This last trip really emphasized that between his mother and the gossip. When I was struck by a car and his brother asked me how I was doing, I was embarrassed and mortified. But, even more so, the chain of communication and lack of decorum.

Well, up until the last couple of weeks. That was different. The tone entirely changed. But, that could be because I was leaving or because Biden fired Jason from his job. Maybe both. I felt like I had more of an ally instead of an unbalanced situation.

But, of course, winter isn’t quite through. The cold front that came through last night and lasted all today has left me with a vicious head cold. I can’t smell or tasted anything. I can’t breathe through my nose and that’s aggravating a sore throat.

That didn’t stop me from dragging my corpse to the gym this morning. Drippy nose and all, I worked out for three hours. It felt good.

The day before, I went to the dentist. I had a crown that had fallen off a couple of weeks prior and was about a year overdue for a cleaning. At that time, the head cold wasn’t too bad. The sucker hose… you know, the one dentists use to pull spit out and keep teeth dry, helped keep my nose drained while I was there.

… which was good.
I was half afraid that the dentist would have tossed me out if she knew I was sneezing in the truck. While I do not have Covid, people are afraid. But, it was all good. The sucker thing kept my nose drip-free. Besides, I wasn’t feeling that bad yesterday.

Last night is when I was kind of knocked down.
I’ve been in worse shape. My mind is still active and the ache is real. It’s not to the point where I can’t move and have to sleep all the time. That’s okay. It’s just winter getting back at me. One last stab as the tulips start to poke up from the ground

It’s supposed to be low seventy this Friday.
Old man winter needs to give it up. It’s his time to vacation in Australia or somewhere for a little while.

Tomorrow is supposed to be in the fifties. I’m not sure if I want to take my drippy nose back to the gym or if I should just go for a walk somewhere.

I’m trying to angle for a bike ride on Friday. But, there’s something going on with my bike where the front tire doesn’t spin smoothly. I think it has something to do with the brake. I need to take a closer look… not that I know what I’m doing, mind you.

Now that I’m here, I’m going to emphasize strengthening my hip. I was legitimately worried when the pain was so bad that I couldn’t sleep. From what I read, one of the better ways to help that hip is to bike since I don’t have a pool readily available.

I feel that I need to dedicate effort and time to this. I’m falling apart slowly, bit by bit, and this is the place where I can pull myself back together. I find it kind of difficult to do in Florida, especially if Jason moans and groans about it.

Here… here… it’s just me supported by my family.
If I want to do something, I can do it….. providing I give myself permission to do so. That can be just as difficult as trying to understand what the hell Biden is saying.

America is so weak right now. It’s embarrassing.
I don’t know how anyone can be surprised about what is happening in Ukraine. After Afghanistan, it was obvious to the world that there was a crash test dummy behind the wheel. If anyone is going to do anything, now is the time.

The light is on but there is definitely no one home.
So sad and now we all have to suffer because of it.