When it gets to be this hot, there really isn’t much to do save take little naps while the computer plays random crime documentaries from YouTube. That’s not right. There’s always something to do.

But, it may not always be appropriate. For example, Bill is currently on the phone talking to someone… another old man… about neighbors, news, and whatnot. If I went into the bathroom and started cleaning with bleach, the smell might irritate him. That wouldn’t be nice. I’d just rather wait than accidently irritate someone.

I don’t think he’d say anything. But, I know that he’s been feeling poorly and I’d rather not accidently add to any irritation.

So, um… class ended. I’m free until next week. Because of the way the class is graded — and for several other reasons, only a small handful actually turned in the final assignment. Some passed. A lot different. As a parting insult, a student named Candi submitted a late assignment she copied from CourseHero. She didn’t bother to change the name on it. — If she would have actually completed the assignment, there was a good chance she would have passed. But… no. She just had to be a dumbass.

While between classes, I’ve been flirting with seeing Elvis or The Black Phone. Elvis because I used to really like Elvis when I was like eight and it’s a documentary. The Black Phone just seems like it’s an interesting story twist and kind of like a story I wrote back in college. I don’t know if it’s worth spending some money, but… maybe. Honestly, probably not… but maybe.

The fair starts on Friday. Not that I’ll go to a fair during the first weekend. That’d just be crazy. But, maybe during the week. Maybe I’ll cough up the parking fee. Again, probably not. I’m just flirting with the idea.

You see, when there’s been major milestones in my life, I remember the approximate time it happened. When my dad died is one of these. My back operation is another. I like to mark these occasions somehow by doing something special as tribute. The coming of the fair marks when I went into the House. I remember being accepted to the House the last couple of days of the fair. One of my final days of ‘freedom’ was when the fair was packing up.

The House was, of course, where I was subjected to brainwashing, violation of rights, a mild form of mental torture, while having my blood taken four times a week. That’s also where I regained my health and some thirty pounds or so to keep me from having the ability to slip under door frames. That had to be the height of my anorexia phrase.

So… it’s something else that I survived. I feel like I should do * something. * When, in reality, I know I won’t do anything.

It’s kind of like almost talking myself into some new earbuds and phone case. Those are concrete items that I’d keep around until they’re broken. But, I’ve got to “ease” myself into the mental state to get one and struggle to remember what type of phone I have. It’s a Samsung something. 7?

The hot topic from the past couple of days is Jason’s potential move to Indiana. Mom has made a very generous offer. This would mean, depending on how much he could sell the Florida house for, getting out from under credit card debt – a great time to do so with interest rates increasing. He could probably pay off his car, not have a mortage, and be around people who would actually support him.

Still, he’s uncertain. Moving is huge. He’s never been anywhere besides Florida and, while his family are much less than stellar, they are his family. A move can be scary.

And I get it. I moved from Indiana to Chicago and back. Then, I went to Florida. There’s a lot of uncertainty and hassle. If the move doesn’t work out for some reason, there isn’t going to be a redo. Well, probably not. Despite the positives, he’s hesitant.

For my part, I’m more comfortable with my family. I’m far more secure and I think I’m more confident. This is the environment I grew up with and, if I really need it, I think there are people who I could talk too. While money always preys on my mind and limits my actions, if I really screw up, it probably won’t be as bad because there are people who care.

There are some quirks, like I feel like I’m gossiped about quite a bit and watched sometimes. However, I feel like that is the same as in Florida. Gossipy people like to gossip. But, the caring people are a thousand miles away and I generally don’t feel very secure.

I understand why he’s hesitant and I don’t want to push.
If he’s forced or feels forced into a situation, he may not be the person that I adore.

But, at the same time, when I’m in Florida, I don’t feel that I’m the person I am. Of course, I don’t feel like I’m fully myself here either. I’m not 100% sure why. Maybe because he isn’t here? Or maybe because of the economic and societal environment? Maybe because it’s because I’m not living up to what I thought I should be? God knows.

There is little doubt that this move would be permanent for him. If he sells the Florida house, it’s unlikely that he would ever be able to afford another house down there.

There’s a lot of moving parts.
And it’s scary. But, more for him than me.