I have been completely derailed over the past couple of weeks.

I blame June. June is hard.

First, it comes after May.
Although I adore the month of May, it’s not exactly an easy month. September and October are far more fluid and easier going.

June presents its own problems.
Father’s Day isn’t exactly a happy occasion. I tend to associate a strong feeling of guilt, failure, and loss with that whole weekend since my own dad is dead.

My mom’s birthday is in June.
I thank God and pray for her continued good health. I love my mom. But, while a birthday is supposed to be a celebration of life, it’s also a ticker that marks a person just one more day and year closer to death. She and dad share a tombstone. When she passes, all that is needed is for the date to be carved on it.

It’s literally that close and simple. And I don’t like having that reminder. Not that I need reminding, mind you. But, it kind of rubs salt in the wound.

Then, the fair was in town. Again, this isn’t bad. But, it’s a reminder of when I went into the House some five years ago. I think I was “enrolled” the day after the fair ended. Well, the last day of the fair is tonight. While it’s not the exact date, it’s close enough. The House….. another humiliating nightmare that I don’t think I’ve recovered from – if I ever will.

For the cherry on top, I’ve contacted a ” resilient” strain of Poison Ivy. Half my face, chest area, and stomach are marred by red and white splotches. It itches and burns like heck and has started spreading – again. I’m finding inflamed tendrils on my legs, back, and even my hands.

I’m not sure how it’s spreading. I have some theories but, so far, it’s still going. I’ve been to the doctor twice. Once, I was given some steroid pills. When it didn’t improve, I went back and was given cream, more pills, and a steroid shot.

I think the steroids along with the Poison Ivy are really messing me up. I feel like I’ve been more aggressive, dismissive, and just generally rude. The hyped energy and lack of sleep are kind of messing with my head. It’s also ** really ** difficult to settle down to write, work, and respond to students. My attention span is short, and patience is even shorter. Outside of mom, I’m having difficulty with anyone being in my presence for more than a minute.

But, this is July.
I’m hoping that it’ll get better. The Poison Ivy, by most accounts, should last about three weeks. Come Monday, I’ll have two weeks to go. Despite the tomatoed splotches on my face, I’ve started to venture into public again – mainly to the gym and parks – to help burn off some of the excessive energy.

Class has restarted.
Once I start back into my routine of working on the class in the evening, I’m hoping beyond hope that the brain and body will fall into a healthier and beneficial pattern that I have been in for the past couple of months. That would include putting content in this blog that is, hopefully, worth reading.

Little sister and I are also supposed to go to Tennessee next week. I’m a little apprehensive but looking forward to it. But, if the trip is canceled, I’m okay with that too. If it happens, it happens. If it don’t, it don’t. Regardless, she needs some time off from work. Hopefully, no matter what, I’ll be of the mind frame to provide any support she needs.

Side note:
Bastards!! is actually a pretty good anime.
It’s on Netflix. I haven’t watched any anime for two or three months and this one popped it. I found it rather refreshing. It doesn’t promote “the message,” reminds me of older animes that I really liked, and is actually funny while certainly being adult oriented. But, just on the edge of being adult. There are tons of implied adult troupes along with good animation. It also reuses scenes, has redundant dialog, and continually hypes up how awesome the main character is.

It’s just… different. Not different, but a call back. I don’t know but I liked it. It was a bright spot over the couple of days that I watched it.

Okay.
I’m going to take a painful and burning shower now. $*$$*# Poison Ivy.
Since Jason is at his mother’s tonight watching wresting, maybe I’ll take a pill and try to get some sleep instead of passing out while he’s on the phone with me.

This is a new month. It’ll be good. It’ll be better.
I’ll get my grove back.