Four more days until the class is done. 
Can’t wait.  

The last couple of days tend to be busy as students ‘wake up.’  
Mostly, these are students who realize that they’re failing or are going to fail.  
There’s a sudden rush of weeks-old assignments, asks for revisions, and panicky excuses.  

If I’m lucky, they’ll skip the excuses part.   I don’t care and the fake sympathy I have to provide is really hollow.  
The school (and me by extension) is so compromised that I’ll accept anything if they’ll just attempt to pass. 
That makes everyone happy.   The college continues to make money if the student goes on for future semesters and I’ll have a job next term.  

Then, there are some students who are almost passing but almost not.   They’re in the high F and D range.   A couple of the low C students panic.  

Rarely, some B students want to push for an A.   Even more rare, some A students want some redos so they can be on the Dean’s List. 

Course, there’s the general issues with submitting, weather, and computer crashes.  

–   Sometimes, the last three or four days of a class is just a circus.  

Upcoming week’s schedule:

I have three therapy sections.
One on Monday and two on Tuesday. I’m anticipating them to be three hours each on average.

Three-plus therapy sessions are annoying, rare, and upsetting.  
But, I think I’m leaping over the hump. After this week, they’ll be down to just the typical half an hour or an hour.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve had to endure multi-hour sessions and have some theories.
Centerstone is primarily for court-appointed patients, drug abuse, and suicides.  
They have a number of resources they can use and Dr. S has been in contact with them.

Maybe she put a bug in their ear or something and I’m jumping through all these hoops for her. 
The long interviews are to see what I should or shouldn’t become involved in. Dr. S has said multiple times that I’m galloping full strength into a wall. I’ve also said that I’m trying to get better. I have an interest in becoming more solid.

That makes me putty and they can push me through any keyhole they desire.

Jason thinks that it’s because I’m a therapist’s ‘dime.’
—–  I didn’t know what ‘dime’ meant.   He had to explain. 
A ‘dime’ is someone who meets a lot of requirements that might otherwise be absent. 

This means that I’m there because I want to be.  
It could be a welcome change for therapists to have someone like me.   All of the appointments and lengthy sessions are meant to help someone who doesn’t want to be there. 
Or, there are a lot of therapists who feel needy and burnt out.  Having someone who is interactive is encouraging for them. 

I’m educated and can have intelligent conversations. 
A lot of their patients are drugged and heavily medicated.   Again, interaction can play a big part in encouraging therapists.   

Also, as I learned last time, my insurance cleared me for 10 hours of various therapy a * week. *  
They can pass me around like a doobie without fear and know that I have no billing issues.  

The funny thing is that, during the in-take, the therapist said she felt I was financially and emotionally abused. 
—–   Isn’t that exactly what they’re doing too? 

Either way, I’m stuck. 
AGAIN.   

At least this stuck makes mom and Jason feel better.  
Mom feels a lot better and Jason a little.   It’s also helpful that, should the appointments be in the morning, I can sneak out and leave Jason behind.  
He’s not a morning person at all and I tend to be.    

This week has a little potential as I have an early appointment on Monday.  This is with Katelynn – a general and multiple-month pregnant lady I’ve only seen once.

Thursday is going to be rough.   Dr. S (an hour’s drive/drug therapist) wants to see me at 8:30 and then I have Ashley (Case worker) at 10:30.  

That’s an hour back in the opposite direction.   
—   Ashley wanted to see me directly after Dr. S for some reason.    I tried to avoid it but she pinned me down.  Rather, both of them did.   
Dr. S feels like this is a good idea too. 
Depending on how it goes, I’m going to feel battered.  

But, if Jason doesn’t go, I’ll head to the gym after to blow off stress. I think I’m going to be wound up and hyper. That tends to be my reaction instead of tired and distressed. That comes later.

Course, this means that he’ll spend most of the day alone.   I think he’ll get up or try to go with me although I sincerely hope he doesn’t.   

That’s next week.    
I need to hang on.  

At least class will be over on Monday and grades reported by Tuesday or Wednesday.

I did get * one * class for next term.   It’s a little income but it’s some.   
It’s mostly set up so I’m good there. 

Amazon continues to be perplexing.

Situation:
I bought a Christmas present for a friend in Virginia.
It had two parts – shower bombs and face masks. They were shown in stock and in the same warehouse.
— The shower bombs were sent and received.

The face masks were delayed. No problem.
Then, they were supposed to be delivered on the 12th. Then, the 11th.

Less than five hours after the email, I received another saying that the order was canceled for ‘unknown reasons.’

A couple of days ago, I received another email saying that the order was canceled for one of the following:

– bad address – which is BS.  She got the first delivery fine.
–  It was rejected   Again, BS. She knew it was coming.
– In rare occasions, the label didn’t print properly.  Rare, according to them. 
I guess this is a possibility.

Personally, I’m thinking that this is a goof because Amazon is switching to fully robotic warehouse drones.
They probably don’t have the bugs worked out yet and, hopefully, some employees are actively crippling the switch to a Terminator type future.

I’d rather not use Amazon but I am on a budget.  
I had a gift certificate from Amazon, so I used it and some cash for your present.  
My class, pre-tax deductions, is only $1400 per 7 weeks.  
My bank account is still reeling from paying for U-Haul gas from the September FL to Indiana trip.   

Since money is a primary form of personal security for me, I’m striving to rebuild to a comfortable level.  
Hence, Amazon and the gift certificate that has been sitting there for over a year.  

Oh… My dad died today.
It was 21 years ago.   But… it was today.  
I’m usually weird on this day.  Actually, probably the whole month is difficult cause of the children, holidays, cold… 

It reminds me of a lot I don’t have. 
I’m not a mother and have no real reason to decorate or engage in Christmas. 
I’m not healthy and the cold makes my bones hurt. 
My dad is gone.  

Plus, the eating thing.   

Yeah.   

December is a bit rough.

But I got to remember that there are some good.
– Jason’s chest cold is getting better.
– Mom is healthy, fat, and sassy.
– I have people who love me.

There’s still good.
I just have to remind myself.