Well… This has been another odd week.

Jason ** did ** start work.
Actually, he’s been hosted in Indianapolis for the past couple of days for opening documents and information.

Although he’s been gone for just a few days (returning this evening), I’ve taken the opportunity to do a couple of things that I wouldn’t have.

Primarily, I had lunch at the Greenwood food court after a doctor’s appointment.
While this seems routine and expected for most who was running around an hour from home, it is unique to me. I tend ** not ** to spend money on lunch while I’m out for various reasons. I’m apprehensive about the cost and anal about the food. But, this time, I allowed it.

I didn’t even have a default salad. Rather, I had chicken terakihi from a place that Jason doesn’t like. It wasn’t even my usual bourbon chicken. It was grilled chicken. I even ate the mostly cabbage side which if a first for me. I tend to avoid cabbage in all its forms. I didn’t get the $3 drink, however. I went with water from the fountain because I’m not quite there yet.

Yesterday (Tuesday), I took myself to see a movie. Puss in Boots, Last Wish. It was $5. I didn’t get a drink or anything. But, I like watching movies in the theater and just going to one is HUGE on my part.

Again, there’s the whole money spending thing I don’t like, doubly so if I’m spending money on my self, triple if I think it’s frivolous.

But… here I am. Watched a movie and ate lunch. Without prodding. By myself.

I can’t stress how HUGE this is for me.

I’m not sure how long this… independence (?) confidence (?) will last.
But, it was enabled by Jason getting a job and starting.

Small steps. Small steps.

Although I did goof up today.
Today, my gift was to sleep in ‘late.’ Late for me is like 7am.
– I failed to do this spectacularly.

I think part of the reason is that I have been behind… or perceived to be behind on work. That is something that I cannot abide by and need to stay current and, if possible, ahead of. There’s the cat’s schedule and, at this point, waking early for the cat is more of a habit than anything else.

Given the snow, wet, and generator appointment that is supposed to happen this morning, it would have been possible to ‘sleep in’ since my plan isn’t to go anywhere today. Rather, I’m going to push on getting the side room to ready to become an office — something that has always been intended and I think Jason will need for his job.

Maybe I’ll grant myself permission to take a nap after the generator people leave. That would be something at least. I know I haven’t been getting enough sleep for at least the past month or two. Some extra rest while I’m on this self- spoilage spree would be something.

But, otherwise, the day will be spent organizing and cleaning.

Tomorrow will be a bit hectic. I have two therapist appointments. One at 8 and the other at noon. The last time this happened, I didn’t do so well and lost my marbles for a couple of days. I’m hoping to go to the gym… probably by myself which is again, great… I need to become independent again… afterward to help right my head and relieve some stress that will inevitably happen.

Besides, Jason will be WORKING.

The world starts to prove it can be spectacular.

So… while I don’t trust anything right now, I think it’s pretty amazing about how quickly I’m allowing myself to do these things.
I may not do them, but the permission is there. Who knows how long it’ll last, but I’m giving myself a little grace.

I’m getting help with the bladder and mental issues.

This is good.
I should be at least a little satisfied.