Not yesterday but the day before, I took a sleeping pill prescribed by Dr. P.

It’s named Matzapine or something like that. I’m supposed to take one before bedtime. It’s 30 mg. The pill is light blue, oval, and just tiny, really.

That one pill knocked me on my butt all Saturday. I couldn’t walk without hitting a wall or feeling like I was going to fall over. Didn’t sleep, which is why I took it to start out with… Couldn’t walk, felt like I couldn’t breathe at times. I had this unshakable feeling over vertigo and time was passing without me. Which it was, honestly, because I had difficulty telling who I was with and where.

Except Jason. I knew I was with him through it all.

But… yeah… not too proud of that Saturday.

Yesterday, I skimmed Mayo Clinic discussion board about it.

Top three complains:

* Overeating.
Apparently, it can trigger something in a person where they can’t habitually stuff food until they are ill

* Brain fog.
I think that’s what I got in the near maximum dosage.


* Suicidal thoughts
– Which makes perfect since, doesn’t it? The drug was originally meant for clinical depression but started to be handed out as a sleeping pill alternative.

If someone is already in a bad place, mental fog and overeating could naturally contribute to suicidal thoughts, doubly so if there are self-image and eating disorders in the picture.

How did this drug become commonplace for insomnia when there are drugs, like Lunesta, that are made to help people sleep?

I don’t get it but I don’t get enough to.

Needlessly, I didn’t take it again and I don’t think I will. I have an entire bottle that will sit around for a month or two before I haul it off to a Walgreens or something for disposal.

Your tax dollars hard at work, ladies and gents.

— I must have seriously embarrassed myself to Jason. It had to be difficult to see his usually steady girlfriend degrade so easily and quickly. That had to be had. Good on him for not pushing the matter more than what happened, but it still must have bene hard.

If he’s around me long enough, he’ll be a dime when it comes to shrinks as well.

Winter is, slowly, starting to fall away. Some foolish trees are starting to not just show but produce new greenery. Leomon drop daffodils are nodding in the wind. I think it’s too early, but welcome these indicators of bright days ahead. After all, this is my first winter in 20 years or so. It’s been a bit rough on the old body and winter has never been a favorite season.

But, I’ve got to go through the winter to get to Spring and that makes it worth it. Just got to keep holding on. It’ll be here soon.


Let’s see… three doctor appointments this week.

Allison the lifestyle coach is today.
Heart specialist is tomorrow.
Dr. Bladder control, hopefully, is on Wednesday.

I’m keeping up on my marathon of doctor appointments this week, I guess. I tend to have had three or more for the past two months. Yay.

Classes resume on Tuesday. I think I have a pair of 102s I guess that’s okay although, for some reason< I still wouldn’t mind a term with just one class. Bt, money is money and — I guess I could use it for spending on myself a little — it’s money for that.

And I HAVE been spending some money on myself. I’m kind of proud of that although it is just a little.
For the past month, I’ve tried to catch a $5 movie on Tuesdays.

Last week was Cocaine Bear, which certainly does not deserve the hype. Seriously disappointing.
The week before that was another disappointment – Ant Man and Wasp.
Before that was the exceedingly mild entry of Knock on the Cabin.

The best of the lot so far was Megan that I saw with Jason in Greenwood.

I know January and Feb tend to be slow movie wise, but wow. I don’t know how much slower it can get.

BUT… I am getting out. I am doing something for myself. I like to watch movies in the theater. =)

Win. Win. Win.
I just have to talk myself into keeping it up although I have half a mind to go a step further and get on the A List. Then, I’m not restricted to Tuesday. I can go whenever I want. I’m trying to justify the money outlay. If I’m going to keep up with the 4 movies a month, $20, I might as well subscribe to it as it’d be about the same and, when the big ticket movies come out, I can see them in 3D without extra charge.

I’m just not to where I can pull the trigger but getting close.

ramble ramble ramble ramble ramble

Okay.
I love you.
bye bye.