This year is promising to end full of fun and frivolity.

Today… today despite not having insurance currently but I guess that’s okay since this chiropractor doesn’t take my insurance… I was told that my neck has a moderate amount of arthritis. I’m not sure what constitutes a moderate amount but I was able to pick it out on the x-rays by myself.

But it’s causing a lot of tension across my shoulders, neck, and mid back as the body attempts to compensate. If I didn’t have a high pain tolerance, I would have a lot of issues. If left unchecked, I won’t be able to turn my head.

I’d imagine that, should I need surgery at some point, it would be difficult because of the rods in my back and the recovery time would be lengthy.

This isn’t nearly as scary or upsetting as learning that I had cancer or that I could die when the rods went in.

Rather, it’s just another chink in the armor. Another reminder that I’m human. Disappointing, fragile, weak.

So… what I need is to get my insurance back. Doubly so.

Not only for my doctors, my prescriptions, and to avoid filing for bankruptcy. I need the insurance to find a competent chiropractor that will take it… should one exist.
While Jason approves of the one I went to today, this feels like it’s going to be a long-term situation. At $60 a pop multiple times a week, it’ll quickly drain what little financial resources I have – which isn’t much. A bad hair day could send me to the poor house, and I certainly don’t want to place an additional financial drain on Jason or the family.

It’s just not worth it. I also pretend to have just a smidge of pride.
Just a teeny tiny little pin head size amount.

So… yeah… the body continues to lock up. It continues to betray me.
And this winter will probably make me cry at some point. It’ll be a real challenge to see how much pain I can tolerate in the upcoming months.

This is just a further reminder of how fortunate I am to have the little sister… who takes care of the insurance aspect… Jason for the morale support… and the family for stability.

I need everything and everyone I can get because I’m squishy, flawed, and incapable of handling this myself and being an independent person.

Yeah… fun.