Lately, I’ve been feeling that I need to do more with less.

I’m starting to become wasteful and even wanton – although I’m not sure how that word applies. It’s like I’m fattening up and not holding myself accountable or to as strict self-regulation as I have previously.

This bloated feeling affects just about everything – from what I eat, to how much I sleep, to the money I spend.

I’m also starting to think that what I perceive to be bloated might be how other people live. That this feeling and actions are normal compared to my typical self-standard.

It’s odd sleeping late and actually feeling half well-rested. It’s strange acknowledging the pain and tightness of my back, legs, and neck. It’s kind of liberating to be completely bored and uninterested in “The Mandate.” (By the time it’s aired, whatever they talked about is over, done, and in the back window. I find it boring as heck 99.9% of the time.)

At least I don’t pretend.

Is this potential excess normal?

Honestly, it’s kind of scary. I think it’s a slippery slope and I don’t think I like it. But, at the same time, I’m not sure that I want to fight against it.

Yes, I know that all of this is ambiguous. There’s very little reason here. Rather, this is a brain thing. It’s something about attitude and behavioral patterns.

But it feels that I’m using more and not getting more in return. So, I need to do more with less although the contraction and restriction could be painful or, at the very least difficult.

Well, maybe not difficult as I feel that I have lived with “more with less” for most of the past twenty years.

I need to consider how I can return to the proper mind frame.

The little sister may have kicked this off since I got to spend a lot of time with her last weel (thankfully). For now, Jason is on vacation and next week is the Fourth. He’ll be around as well as family. Class also ended and the next term doesn’t begin until July 2.

For a time.

I have started to make little changes to return to proper form. For example, I’ve (tried) to chew less gum. Instead of using leave-in conditioner every day, I’m trying every other day. When I go for the Reddi-Whip, I use less than what I would previously. Maybe, at one point, I won’t use it at all. (So, I won’t freak out if it’s not available like I did last week.) I use less chocolate syrup in my almond milk.

——– It’s also occurred to me how much of a hypocrite that I’ve become. I’m against processed foods and consumables on principle. They are a control mechanism by government and corporations to make people controllable via dopamine. Ultra-processed foods equate to people paying for the privilege to become obese, diabetic, and have a host of co-morbidities while we breathe polluted air and bathe in tainted water.

Still, a lot of what I consume, rather it be lotion, whipped cream, almond milk, shampoo…. are all processed and, to some degree, poison.

What’s next? A slice of Wonder Bread?

Oh, no. I need to pull myself back to personal ethics and morales.

The first full week of July, Jason will be out of the house for four days instead of three. Everyone will be back to work, and I’ll be vastly left to my own devices.

I’ll have to think – how can I do more with less. Safely.