Yesterday…. yesterday was a bit rough.

I took it on myself to fight my fear and mow the yard.
Yes, I know how silly that sounds… mowing the yard. But it’s more than just moving. It’s the strength to start the mower, not freaking out when it stalls, and just doing it. Just the action can be challenging.

Jason’s scheduled changed and the time he has at home is precious. Instead of relying and nagging him to do it during a day off, I wanted to do at least part of it. He may take Karen’s yard but I wanted to do ours.

So, I did… and the mower started smoking. It popped. Smoked. And I couldn’t start it again. Actually, it probably wouldn’t have been a good idea to start it. If the engine is damaged, starting it or trying to start it could incur additional damage.

I really wanted to start screaming. I did. But I didn’t scream. Instead, I ran to mom’s house. Borrowed her mower. Swore to finish.

It started after a couple of pulls. And, about ten minutes in, whatever the mower uses to propel forward stopped.

The mower kept going so I did too. Straining in the mid to upper 80 degree weather, I pushed the heavy mower over uneven ground through semi-thick grass.

It nearly stalled a couple of times. If it did, it would have destroyed my mental capacity for the day – but I was able to coax it through.

While the yard isn’t as neat and well-mowed as I’d like, it’s done for the week.

I’m all out of mowers. Unless something gets fixed, there’s not a lot more I can do. I have to work with someone.

I did it and, as an encore, I pulled weeds and wiped the dust off the truck. I took Pine Sol out to the mailbox and cleaned it out. Spiders tend to build nests in it if I’m not careful. I even went around the house and cleaned the siding that I can reach and tidied up the air conditioner. I reached into the dryer vent and pulled out a bunch of fuzz that gets caught.

For some reason, I’m particular about that. A build up of lint could be a fire hazard. I’ve lost a lot to fire and try to minimize that.

And I had a massive headache for the rest of the day. Instead of being proud of my accomplishments and overcoming the urge to panic, to cry, to scream, I remained calm.

But… the headache was all but crippling. I hadn’t felt anything that painful for a long time. Well, that type of pain anyway.

It wasn’t because I was dehydrated. It wasn’t because I was hungry. I actually ate well… well for me, anyway to the point I felt it was too much… and drank a lot of tea.

Maybe that’s what brought on the headache. The food.

I’m going to leave Karen’s yard to Jason this weekend. There’s one more mower left that somewhat works and mom says that it’s difficult. I filled my difficult quota… Well, I guess I’ll do it if I have to… but …. I don’t know.

Today is the thyroid doctor.
She’ll fuss about my weight and probably increase the medication.

I’ve got a couple of messages from Centerstone to schedule appointments. I tend not to mind going over there but this new batch — Kathy, Megan, and John — are a little different than the others. John I don’t mind. I think we click. I’m having difficulty wrapping my head around Kathy. She’s an intern and, given my lack of faith of college systems, that’s a negative. I also don’t think she looks directly at me. It’s like she’s always looking to the right.

Maybe it’s just me. I’m all for helping in the training and whatever of people. There’s just something about her that gets (or I allow) to get under my skin. I’ll keep trying to work with her, however.

Besides, with the way Centerstone is, she’ll be gone in a couple of months anyway.

Class started.
Another ENG202. Well, it’s pay, kind of. It’s something so I don’t have to beg for gas money.

So far, I’m a bit hopeful. It’s been 48 hours and I have yet to see an AI post. But, we’re still very early in the term. I’m sure I won’t be disappointed.

I don’t know.
Still apprehensive about a lot of things.

It’s manageable, I think. I’m trying not to fall into the hole. I need to enjoy this weekend and support Jason. His personal heck starts next week. This is the last ‘easy’ weekend before he goes into full driving mode.