I’m between classes right now.

Despite not having a paycheck coming in, I’m feeling rather relieved.

The last couple of weeks of the semester were a bit of a wreck for me. I was fairly paranoid since it was such a large class – about thirty students. That’s about eight to ten more students than what typically make it to the end of the class.

Hopefully, maybe, the next class won’t be so big. Providing that I have a class… which I think I will. For better or worse.

I am feeling apprehensive about my spine infection. Yes, it’s returned. Yes, it’s dangerous. But it’s caught early. I’m not struggling with it for months like before. So far, it doesn’t seem that I’ll return to the hospital. I could be responding well to the antibiotics.

I see the infection doctor tomorrow – a specialist – for more information. The MRI is scheduled for next week. The doctor who did my operation seems to think that additional cutting isn’t needed right now.

So, there’s all that.

But it is possible that infection could be reoccurring. It could be something that I’ll deal with for the rest of my life. Eventually, I’ll develop an immunity to the antibiotics. The wound care doc said that we’ll (I’ll) just deal with it when it happens.

I could become a permanent fixture at wound care. They’re nice, although understandably, exceedingly busy people and an organization.

Should I be an infection generator, I need to accept that I’ll always need to have someone care for me, as there is no way I can properly care for wound-craters on my back. I simply can’t reach it.

I also have to live with the knowledge that the infection could hit my nerves, blood, and travel to my brainstem, heart, or other vital areas at any time.

I think I’m already to that point. It’s an ‘oh well’ situation. Out of everything I should be stressed about, that’s not one of them.

But if one more doctor tells me I’m malnourished, I think I’m going to go ballistic. Over the past week and a half, four medical ‘professionals’ have told me that I’m malnourished.

I’m not.
Yes, I’m a bit underweight, but my bloodwork comes back fine, except for the hormone part. All the vitamins, iron, and whatnot are a bit over or in the green.

That’s not malnourished.
There are obese people who are more malnourished than I am.

Anyway… that’s the state of things at the moment.

Doing good with no class – but that starts soon.
Anxiety rising about having to be a burden on someone if I become a constant generator, although I’ve accepted the spread of it in my body.

Yep. Fun.