after thoughts

Don't live the American dream. Live your dream.

anorexic

  • 8/15

    I was supposed to have an online appointment with Heather, the Charis Center Neutralist, this morning. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do the BS dance with her as I’m not following the f*ucking pink meal plan. I have no intention of following said meal plan and just didn’t feel like trying to pretend… Read more

  • 3/12/2024 pt 2

    I need to calm down. I’m not sure why but I’m buzzing with energy. I feel tingly like there are ants just underneath my skin. They’re running up my nerves to my throat and making it tight. It was a good day. I drove the truck and it wasn’t difficult. I dumped the trash and… Read more

  • 7/4

    It’s been kind of a lonely holiday. It’s just me, chilling, all by myself.   Which isn’t bad.  My alone time allows me to self-repair and I got a lot of stuff to fix.  This is good. Didn’t go to the gym today.    Rather, I walked 145% of my Samsung step count downtown.  I’m… Read more

  • 5/12

    Okay. This is getting to be old real quick. I’ve been back at Mom’s house for not even 72 hours at this point. I came in on Sunday.   Today is Tuesday. Ever since then, I have been physically exhausted. I’ve been going to sleep around 9 or 10, embarrassingly, and not waking up until 9… Read more

  • 1/10

    In a way, I feel like I’ve been self-harming a little bit. Not like mutilation or anything like that. It’s more along the lines of anorexia.    Eating too much.   Not eating enough. Drinking milk, although I know that sets off some very uncomfortable hot flashes.  I endure stress, negative thoughts, and self-doubt which often… Read more

  • 12/27

    To be honest, I haven’t felt like writing over the past couple of weeks. That’s not true.    I’ve felt like writing, but haven’t had the willpower or motivation to do anything. I think the reason is because of how I’m reacting to the situations and surroundings presented to me. Just to be clear, I… Read more

  • 12/6

    Sometimes I wonder if my Prozac dosage didn’t change since I’ve been here. Certainly, there’s quite a bit of difference between here and Indiana.  Both good and bad.   But, I guess in Florida I’m adulting more than in Indiana.     It’s easier to be wise and beneficial when I don’t feel that I have as… Read more

  • 11/30

    Survived Thanksgiving. The day was pretty rough mentally, but I think I survived it fairly well. I kept chanting ‘no whammies’ and I guess it worked for once. First, of course, there was the whole food thing. I don’t think anyone really appreciates the dread us anorexics go through outside of another anorexic.  Especially one… Read more

  • 11/18

    I feel really bad for the cat, Sneezles. There’s been this plumber, Julio, here since about 9:30. He’s doing his job with the drills and banging and whatever to replace some pipes in the wall.    That’s all well and good, but he’s been doing so for two and a half hours.    I imagine… Read more

  • Returning to Florida – yet again

    Next Sunday, November 10th, I will be returning to Florida yet again for three months.   Well, four months.   I won’t be back on home soil until the last day of March.  Instead, I’ll have sand underneath my feet that don’t grow vegetables. But, at the same time, I’m certainly dodging the snow and temperatures dropping… Read more