after thoughts

Don't live the American dream. Live your dream.

eating disorder

  • 7/9

    I need to get out of my head. Today is kind of unusual. I don’t have a house to clean or any appointments. I keep hitting refresh on my classes and nothing has come in. I should take this time to work on my book, color, read…. do something. I’ve stumbled onto a golden day Read more

  • 6/20

    Yesterday…. Yesterday should have been awesome. I was out with two of my best friends – my mom and little sister. We were all getting facials and my mom a massage from a pricy place downtown. – Jason won a voucher from a wellness fair and that paid for mom’s services. The little sister was Read more

  • 6/15

    I hate this. Class ends on the 17th and I’m just sitting here refreshing the pages, waiting for assignments to come in so I can jump on them. I’m over this term, sick of the students, and done with the hand-holding. But if I don’t stay on top of the crap that they submit, it’ll Read more

  • 5/26

    Jason has finished Final Fantasy Rebirth… or Remake. Whatever the second one is. He didn’t max out everything but spent over 100 hours of playtime on it. He or whoever bought the game for him certainly got their money’s worth. Jason has moved on to Hades 2. While it’s not officially released, the game was Read more

  • 5/18

    I feel that I survived Mother’s Day fairly unscathed. That holiday is a duel-edged dagger. When it comes to motherhood, I feel an intense guilt and lack of fulfillment as I can never be a biological mother. Cancer and, probably, anorexia stole that from me. But I also feel shame as I feel that I’m Read more

  • 5/3

    Just checking in, really. Trying to get back into the habit of blogging. Couple of news and notes. — Three more sessions at the Charis Center. I’m entering my eighth week which is the final week unless they recommend an additional three. If they do, I’m not 100% sure I’ll continue. There would probably be Read more

  • 4/26

    April is all but over and I can’t help but to reflect on how this year has progressed. January – I was cold, sick, and weak. February –This month was dominated by a week’s stay at Saint Francis and the brutal realization of my weakness. My mental and physical status was enough for a hospitalization. Read more

  • 3/17

    Every day has to be a challenge. It’s tiring. Frustrating. And silly. — Today’s challenge is cantaloupe and honeydew. There was half of a large container that was going bad. It expired today and the melon chunks were becoming mushy. They’re kinda expensive and I like them. So, I added some no-salt salt, some low-fat Read more

  • 3/12

    February was messed up. I think I was more in a hospital via St Francis and Methodist than out. If I don’t consider the month change, I had definitely been in a hospital than out over the past 30 days. I don’t think I ever had that situation, including the spinal fusion. Roughly a week Read more

  • 2/21/2024

    Yesterday, I buzzed around the house fairly happily. While it sucked, I had convinced myself that I would be moved to the Charis Center by the weekend. It would be inpatient, awesome, and I could pull myself together more. After all, I didn’t start to feel better until I was confined to the hospital for Read more