If you’re around me long enough, you’ll figure out that I pin a lot of stuff on culture – particularly how men and women are treated, raised, and referred to.  I know society isn’t to blame for all of our ills, it is a significant contributing factor that’s slow to change.

Let’s start with some easy examples.

Men are determined.  Women are stubborn.
Men sweat.  Women perspire (or glow).
Men ‘sow their wild oats.’  Women are whores.

Anything that could be considered a phallic symbol, requires care, or is considered fickle are almost always referred to as ‘she’ or ‘her’ in conversations.
Examples:
Cars, guns, computers, gardens, nature.

One of my personal reasons why this happens is because people are trained (1) place blame and (2) dodge accountability.

Example – Car doesn’t start –
(A)  Wow, I should have been responsible and had a tune up!
I’ll do that right away (when funds are available), so this doesn’t happen again.
— or —
(B) Damn.  The bitch blew a gasket.  Now I’m going to be late.

Which one are you most likely to hear?
To say?
—  The first one accepts accountability, responsibility, and plans for improvement. The car in inanimate.  It can only perform as well as the parts will allow.
—  The second one blames the car, uses curse words, and does not accept responsibility.  Feelings and expectations are placed on an inanimate object that does not have the capacity to take care of itself.  Yet —  never can tell what the future holds with cars right now.

Let’s change directions just a little to people and disease.
—  It’s overly evident that the American medical system traditional responds to the disease, not the person.  American medical usually doesn’t not respond to warnings, but rather to the disease – which is attacked with gusto.

Why?
Because the disease becomes a palatable thing.
It’s assigned a gender, seen as evil, and blame can be placed.
The situation allows the person not to be held liable or stake a personal interest in the person.  Rather, the disease becomes personified and emotions are assigned to a thing that cannot possibly have emotions.

Example –
Yesterday, when my Aunt called –
“Are you eating?
I can eat whatever I want and don’t understand why you can’t.
You need to eat everything and fatten up!’

Okay –
Accountability didn’t happen. 
What should have been thought.
“My niece is going through a really hard time.  I should do my best to make sure she doesn’t feel like she’s struggling alone.  I’ll start calling once or twice a week to check in.”

Blame is placed.
“I don’t understand why….”
This blame.  “I don’t understand why you…”
Instead of taking the time to learn and understand about eating disorders, it’s easier to objectify the situation and push the person who — who already feels like crap — further in the muck.  The person and the disorder become a single unit instead of being thought of separately.

Future improvement and help are not stated.
“You need…”
At this point in the cycle, the person probably — knows– what she needs to do.  That’s what the doctors are for.
The use of the word “you” singles the person out and indicates she’s going to be by herself during recovery.
—  Maybe, just maybe, what should have been thought/said was:
“I know you’re going through a difficult time and I’ve been out of contact for years.  Regardless, we’re still family and if you need someone to talk to, I’m just a phone call away.”

Recovery, something that is already difficult, becomes even more so.

–  Strained relationships become more weak.

–  Even if assistance is not accepted by the person, sometimes knowing support and people care are effective tools to combat internal battles.

–  Society tends to frown upon people who need assistance – so eating disorder + therapist + dietitian + — fill in the blank — is humiliating (and expensive!!) enough as is.  Reminders are – not – needed – especially always needed.

–  Each party tends to avoid future interactions, addressing the disease, for fear of embarrassment.  Or, even worse, the disease continues to be the focus – support is continually (but maybe not intentionally) denied.

So, what can you do?
Think about it — how can you support someone you care about who is going through a difficult disease by addressing the person?
How can you let the person know she’s not alone?
How can you better yourself and the situation for the people you care for to assist in recover, avoid relapse, and (perhaps) prevent the same situation occurring in others?

How can society change?