Today, I went to see Doc S.

She’s the one that prescribes me my mind-altering anti-depressants and sleeping pills.
The tall, thin, short-haired blonde and I usually get long.  We certainly don’t agree, but she’s pretty blunt and to the point.   Ever minute of my half an hour session matters.

So much so, I tend to write myself a mental script while driving there.

I talked.  She typed, occasionally looking up to show me how upset she was.   I need to see my shrink my often.  I need to consistently take my meds.   I need to become active in the community… put myself out there.   blah blah blah.

Apparently, Doc S thinks I could be starting a deteriorating cycle.   Since I’ve having difficulty doing things now, it’s just going to become more difficult until I become full shut-in.

Which, when I make up my mind about something, I can fully see myself living under the covers, no matter how pretty of a day it is.  But, that’s beside the point.

I mentioned the voices.   She asked if I wanted schizophrenia medication.  I don’t know if she meant to scare me, but she didn’t.  After the cancer, arthritis, the House, ect.. ect.. ect…  some more pills don’t scare me one bit.  Actually, it’s probably harder to scare me now then ever before… and I like to think I was a pretty bad assed.

Doc S needs to come up with a better tactic than that.

I got to my appointment early and wondered around downtown for about an hour.   It was unusually bright and warm for an October day.  But, that’s okay.   My freckles are working overtime.    So, I decided to make an impromptu call.

Instead of just waiting and wondering, I called my supervisor’s supervisor.  Why not?    I got to get it over with sometime and… Emily answered.  Told me she didn’t have time to talk because of a meeting and would call me early Friday.
—  She would call me.   I’m not to call her.   Em was pretty specific about that.

Whatever.

So, here’s the gamble.
Am I actually going to be awake?  My current mindset is to doze all day by swaying in and out of consciousness.  When she calls… and I know she will…  I’m kind of hoping that I’ll just be in the “isn’t that interesting” and “sure” phrase of waking up.  That way, I’m not to combative but still might sound kind of intelligent.

As lazy as my mind has been lately, it’s been exceedingly easy to become annoyed.

Fun fact:

Anorexia and schizophrenia can be linked.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4274583/

I’m looking at you hypothesis three!

num-num-num-num-num

Anyway… whatever.

I wrote this, so maybe that’s a push in the right direction.
Maybe maybe.

I dunno.

Bananas out.