For some reason, I decided to stay home today.

No gym, no silly game – nothing.

My decision might possibly be based on the ice coating the quickly bare tree limbs.  The power was out from about one am going forward till about ten.  I really, really, really dislike the cold and the aching bones and muscles that come along with it.

I don’t like feeling trapped in a house just waiting for assignments — which are fairly non-existent on a Thursday — It reminds me too much from before.  I’m with mom and Bill all day, which okay.  Just as long as they don’t ask any odd questions, look judgemental, or make me feel weird.    Mom’s cooking pork chops, which she knows is my current favorite.    Now, if I could just get her to stop using seasoning with salt…  But, since I’m home all day, I’m the proverbial fish in the barrel.

The thing is, at one point, I would have killed to have lazy days like these.   Days where I could pretend to knit, write, and take long naps.  Where I could clean the house a little bit, read, and just really focus on things that are pleasurable.  Simple.  Maybe hold some feeling of self-accomplishment.

Now.   Now, it’s kind of like a disappointment.   I feel like I did something wrong.  Like there’s a problem.

Once I get what I think I want, I can’t accept it for some reason.  I just want to sit and pout.  I don’t understand myself.   But, that’s okay.   I don’t expect other people to understand me either.

Cancer check was yesterday.
Highly uncomfortable, but it’s done.   Next check – February 20th.
I had a new person this time.   Apparently, for the past year, I’ve been seeing the nurse practitioner.  For some odd reason, the actual doctor decided to introduce herself.    This isn’t the doctor who performed my surgery.    This was a doctor that I’d never met before since my doctor buggered off to another hospital without telling his patients.
–   Whatever.    This new doctor is way too cheerful for my taste, but I imagine it’s some sort of defense mechanism.  If I dealt with people who had cancer day in and day out, I try to be insanely happy to.

Okay, lunch is done.
Two pork chops and a scoop of gluten-free mac and cheese.
I’m trying to find just the right eating balance so mom doesn’t restrict me while appeasing my inner anorexic.  It’s not easy.
——-  Yes, so I talk about food a lot in my blogs.  In a way, I really can’t help it because it takes a huge space in my brain.  According to Dr. S, it will always be that way.   This is something that I’ll probably struggle with for the rest of my life while 95% of the American population really doesn’t give that much of a damn.  It’s just kind of the way I am now, rather I like it or not.

The current goal is to keep myself busy for eight hours and not eat again until 8 or 830.

I just can’t let thinking about food drive me crazy.

So, for the next eight hours, I am going to start at my class.  —  Midterm is next week.  Thinking about writing a how-to guide on how not to fail because no one reads the instructions.

Writing, maybe.  Playing games, maybe.  Cleaning the house, maybe.   Taking naps.   So, I don’t just sit on Blackboard and hitting the refresh button, cursing the students for not turning in assignments early.

Then, tomorrow, it’s all about the little sister’s pre-birthday overnight at the Hilton where she wants to go drinking, eat at the Cheesecake Factory, and chill in the hot tub.   I’m almost all for that, save the Factory, as long as I keep up on my homework.   Also have the bone density test.  It’d be good if the osteoporosis would improve.   Not going to hold my breath, but maybe.

That’s Friday and Saturday… hopefully, it won’t be raining ice.
Sunday is my day, kind of.   On Monday, I’m with the baby brother.
—  Hopefully, it won’t be so cold as he drags me around downtown looking for Pokemon.  Tuesday is mine.  I think I have the mammogram.  Wednesday is the brother again.   Thursday is Thanksgiving.  Friday is me again.

Normally,  really don’t pay a lot of attention to what goes on during the week.   I just kind of go where people tell me.
But, heading to Florida is more of a reality now than what it was when I ordered the plane ticket.

The INTX thoughts are already planning ahead.  Thinking about what to wear.  Making sure there’s nothing in the fridge that would rot — like apples because no one in the house but me eats apples  — even if they’re Ambrosia.  The Greek yogurt has to go and I gotta do my very best to save every nickel.  Cause, everyone knows that if you save nickels you’ll be rich one day.

In Florida, I see a confrontation with his family.
Well, not really a confrontation but a real uneasiness, feeling of being judged, pitied, and a bunch of other stuff that kind of adds up to a confrontation for me, even if it is passive aggressive.  Hopefully, it won’t be.   It really wasn’t last time because there was no real centralized family gathering and limited contact with others- which is A-Okay with me.   I don’t want to come off as rude and crude, but I know I do.

Even more so, I’m exceedingly sensitive on how and what they say to Jason.     I know it makes him feel a little antsy, but he tries to hide it well.    I don’t try.   What’s the point?   It’s not going to change my thoughts about them or the other way around what I do.  I guess I get upset on his behalf or/and end up listening to whatever about whoever for the next couple of days.

I don’t handle the anxsty stuff very well.  It’s in or out.   There or not.   I kind of specialize in black or white.

It’s awful in California.
From when I visited years upon years ago, I thought it was a beautiful state.
All of that is probably marred and, I imagine, the matchstick forests will become someone’s condo.  Those once forest lands will be sold by the owners in an attempt to rebuild their lives while being exploited by land developers.

The midterm election is over, but not for Florida.   I think Arizona was just wrapped up in blue.   Red is claiming Florida, even if the numbers don’t agree.   Got to give it to Scott in Washington acting like he’s in charge when it may not be true.   Or, rather, the votes don’t support him.  It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not.

Either way, you can bet that whatever working government we did have is going to slow even further, if not stop.   Trump has two more years left, give or take.    Every Democrat has to be considering making a play for the presidency.     I think a lot of them are going to do their very best to bring as much media attention their way.   — And, I wish them luck.  Just about any Democrat would be better for consideration than Hillary.

Got to hand it to her — she doesn’t know when to give up, but it’s becoming embarrassing.  The lady needs to step back, encourage her daughter to produce grandbabies, and attempt to enjoy what years she has left with her cheating husband.   Bow out.

No one likes you anymore.

Okay.
That was an hour.  Seven more before I allow myself to eat anything again.

I should probably switch and do some school work now.

Peace and pumpkin pie.