It didn’t really dawn on me until today how much I should actually be grateful and thankful for what I have.

First, I have a family who loves me and I love in return.
Sure, we have our ups and downs, but when the crap hits the fan, they are there waiting.   No questions asked and, fortunately, they tend to hold their judgment until later and talk about me when they think I’m not listening.

But, sometimes I do some really stupid stuff.  It’s natural for them to vent when I’m not around.

Occasionally, they do stuff without me knowing.   Like, when I was in the House and couldn’t go to Gencon, my little sister bought a margarita and drank it in my honor.   That’s like something right out of a movie.    I was pretty touched by that when I found out.

My little sister does her very, very, very best to make sure that I have everything that I need and probably a bunch of stuff I don’t need.   Money has never really been an issue for her, despite my protests about how much she spends on me and me alone.   It’s just really unbelievable.

When I first left the House, I was pretty much a mental and physical wreck.  The hot mess I was from before plus the brainwashing of the House really… confused me.    I don’t know a better way to say it.  I was hyper-sensitive to what other people said and thought.   I believed everything was about me, which it wasn’t… but I thought it was.

Mom, bless her, was still overprotective.  I resented that, of course, although I know she had the best intentions.   Mom was never a hover parent and I certainly wasn’t going to let her become one.   It doesn’t suit her.

Let’s just say that I wasn’t me.
And, in a way, I’m still not me.  But, that’s okay – for now.

Anyway, my brother was ever so patient with me.  He took me grocery shopping — which was actually a pretty big thing.   It’s difficult for an anorexic to browse the freezer section – or any section for that matter.  He supported me going back to the gym and helped when I could barely stand because of the arthritis pain in my hip.   He helps me still.

Honestly, I can’t think of how either one of them could be better than what they already are.

They are seemingly happy, despite how messed up our childhoods were, and loyal to a fault.

–  And, what can I say about mom?
Her plotting with Jason probably saved my life.
We’re not as close as I’d like to be, but I think we mutually keep our distance between each other.  If she knew that I went and did four hours of cardio at the gym today, she’d probably be pretty pissed.

Course, she suspects that I do that, but has never brought it up.  So, I haven’t had to lie to her.  I guess it’s a defunctional working relationship, but it’s working.

Speaking of dysfunctional…  Hi Jason!
I know your dad and step-mom have ragged about how I’m destroying your life or have destroyed your life.  I know it’s hard sleeping alone.   I know it’s lonely returning to an empty house (save the cat) day after day.

But still, you haven’t sought another girl.   You remain true.
Long distance relationships really trying, but we’re doing it – somehow, painfully.

You’ve seen me at my best, worst, and really worst.   That’s scary.

Anyone else would have moved on a long time ago.
But, you’re still right there.   You’re improving and working to bring us back together every day.

So, I got a lot to be thankful for.
For some reason, I’m blessed.