It’s not just going to TSO, although that was great.   It’s the actions of the boy.

He seems more self-assured and confident.  Visiting his brother’s half a million dollar house didn’t leave him jealous goblin green.  I mean, of course, we’re a bit envious, but it wasn’t a topic that possessed our conversation.  We’ve hardly mentioned it to each other and, honestly, I’ve barely thought about it.

The classic holiday dinner at the Chinese-all-you-can eat buffet was really more troubling, but that was really due to his mom… and that it’s a buffet.   I may be fifty pounds overweight, but buffets and I just don’t get along – especially when I’m fairly starved.

I should have brought the swallow in case of panic pill, but I forgot it.  That’s okay.   I survived.

The biggest change between this trip and previous ones is that the boy had time off from work and school right away.   I feel more included instead of being an awkward square tire.  He has time for me and we can do things instead of all the rush.   It’s not romantic sit across from each other while we both do homework.  –  Him doing and me grading.  Actually, it can be a little annoying.

He’s actually said — and — did things – on the same day!  Like, for example, car insurance is higher than it was the last term.   He said he’d call to see if there were any additional discounts or ways for the bill to be lowered.

Previously, I would have to remind, nag, become highly frustrated and eventually give up.  He simply wouldn’t take the course of recommended action that we both agreed on.  Or, if he did so, it came with a heavy feeling of reluctance.

This time — he called  — the same night.  He didn’t wait for me to nag.  He didn’t use an excuse to call during the day — which wouldn’t be valid since Geico is open 24h.
He simply called.  Sure, the bill stayed the same, but he called.

That’s — huge.
I don’t think he understands how huge.  It’s kind of more like a partnership than a half-deflated balloon.  I don’t know where the balloon came from, but it was great.   Just simply great.

I’ve changed.
The last time I was here, I had breakfast waiting when he woke and dinner when he came home.   The house was spotless.  Well, as spotless as it ever gets.   I think I was trying to come across as the ‘perfect’ girlfriend.  I barely did anything for the fear of inconveniencing him.   If I went out anywhere, I had to be back by the time he came home.  It’s like I had a bubble of the 1950s around me.  Although I didn’t mind doing these things, it felt forced.  It was tiring.  Above all, it wasn’t me.

This trip — eeehhhhh.   Sure, the house is clean, but not spotless.  I cook some, but it’s usually stuff that doesn’t require a lot of preparation.  He washes his own plate.  Sometimes, I’m here when he gets off from work.  Sometimes, I’m not.  Sometimes, he has to pick me up from somewhere.

I guess that’s more me.   It feels easier and that I haven’t indentured myself.

I know very well this feeling of togetherness isn’t going to last.    My class starts on the 7th.    I think he returns to school on the 9th or 10th.    He’ll probably have to be on campus at least two days a week and be studying on whatever grad course he’s in for next semester.

If I moved back, that would be more of a typical schedule.  Basically, we see and not see each other.  There would be little opportunity for activities or even switching on the Playstation in the evenings.  What time we spent together would be rushed.  I know that I would feel guilty for distracting him from his studies – even if it wasn’t true, I would.    I’m absolutely excellent at self-induced guilt trips.

I’m just trying to enjoy the time I have now.
Right?

No need to complicate things.