Spoilers – Yep.   There will be some.

I watched Bird Box while at the gym.
The hour plus movie accompanied me while I was on the elliptical.  It made the time go by.

So, the Bird Box is a Netflix exclusive movie based on the book by Josh Malerman.  I’ve never heard of this guy before, but apparently, he has some connections as the book was published in 2014 and the movie was released in late 2018.  That’s an unbelievable dream for an unknown.

And, according to Netflix, has been watched over 45 miiilllllion times within the first seven days of release.  Wow.   So, this has to be really good or really icky and appeal to the mass populous.  Well, I didn’t think it was really good.

The story isn’t anything that we haven’t seen before.  Some mysterious and unseen monster causes all of the sane people to become really violent and commit suicide.  All of the crazy people see the unseen monster as something beautiful and dedicate their lives to making sane people open their eyes.

Immediately, we’re introduced to the haves and have-nots.  Sandra Bullock and her group are the haves.  They have jobs, people who care for them and are in different stages in the economy.

It really wasn’t a big surprise when the guy who worked at the supermarket sacrificed himself to save a lawyer and an artist.  The lawyer, a bald white guy who was generally considered an ass, died tragically while trying to save children.  The overly trusting short plus sized woman who brags that she spent her life being loved too well throws herself out the window to some nice bouncy trashbags below.  I know I’m not mentioning some people, like the old lady or wannabe cop, but they’re pretty much red shirts.  I could tell they where slated to die or disappear right away.

Anyway, less by accident and more than design, the group narrows down to a hunky looking African American soldier who happens to have a heart of gold and a thing for families….  and, of course, the selfish artist – Sandra Bullock.  In this reincarnation, her name is Malorie.   But, Sandra Bullock is Sandra Bullock.   It doesn’t matter what name she’s given.   In our heads, she’s Sandra.   It’s just like how Leonard Nimoy will always be Mr. Spock.

The two live as husband and wife in this really nice house that’s in a really nice neighborhood.  They have two five-year-old children, Boy and Girl, because Sandra has too much mental anxiety and unknown background trauma to provide them proper names — but yet claims everything she does is for their benefit.   Although she is kind of mean to them and they’re not worth providing proper names too.

They eventually encounter the crazies.  They can see and want to share the beautiful monsters with them – which will probably lead to their immediate deaths unless they are crazy as well.   (I know ‘crazy’ is a charged word.  Some people may find that offensive and there are probably better ways to refer to them… maybe they’re the progressive wacky people?   Anyway, I consider myself crazy on some level.   I don’t take offense to it.   So, they’re crazy.)

Hunky heard of gold soldier sacrifices himself so the others can get away.  Sandra takes the kids on a junky boat to find their mystical salvation at the end of a long river.

I just want to take a moment to review the crazies.   At first, I kind of identified them as Walkers from the Walking Dead, but that’s certainly not accurate.   The crazies don’t have bits of body parts falling off of them are intelligent, capable of working together and can deceive.   I’m going to guess that they have some sort of hive mind but can work independently.    So, maybe something like deadites from Ashe Vs. the Evil Dead?

Okay, so Sandra and the children take this really basic boat down the river for about a couple of days.   Their trip is fairly uneventful outside of a couple of incidents tossed in to help liven things up.  They reach the salvation city that’s run by a guy named Rick (–  a nod to the Walking Dead?) and probably live happily ever after.    Oh yeah, she names the kids and declares that she’s their mother, but is only biologically related to one of them.

I understand that the river can be a metaphor for Sandra accepting herself, her feminity, accepting society, or all of the above.  The children represent different aspects of that.  Maybe the boy represents love and the girl friendship.  By saving both of them, she becomes more of a whole person.

Okay.  Psychological mumbo jumbo.    Got it.

Then there are the crazies who try to make everyone see things their way – even at the expense of life and sanity.   Trump supporters?   I guess that would make the unseen beautiful monster Trump.  Because everything has to be related to politics somehow in some way shape or form.  Some people like smashing a square block in a round hole.

All right, whatever.

I’m guessing the book is way better than the movie.
There has to be more to the deadites.   It’s a bit confusing why they kept searching the same neighborhoods over and over again for five years.   Are they assigned a particular area and that’s what they got to do for the rest of their lives?    What?

When Sandra made it to the sanctuary city, there were several people who had probably blinded themselves.  That makes a lot of sense.   If eyesight makes people become suicidal and hunted, why not poke out the eyes?  If the unseen monsters hang around for generations, I could see removing eyesight being a coming-of-age ceremony.

So…  I guess the movie was okay but doesn’t deserve the attention it’s getting.    I’m definitely not taking Bird Box challenge — which seems like Netflix marketing becoming creative.   Then again, people eat Tide pods.

Oh….  You don’t think people are doing the challenge while eating Tide pods do you?

That’s just crazy.
Well, doing either one is crazy.   According to the movie, they shouldn’t be wearing blindfolds at all.

It’s a good movie, but don’t look too deep into it.
It’s Sandra.    She pulls in an audience no matter what she does.

All the best.