Sometimes I wonder if my Prozac dosage didn’t change since I’ve been here.

Certainly, there’s quite a bit of difference between here and Indiana.  Both good and bad.   But, I guess in Florida I’m adulting more than in Indiana.     It’s easier to be wise and beneficial when I don’t feel that I have as many conflicting forces.

Mindful, I like conflict.   Like violence and nudity in movies, it needs to be tasteful and have a purpose, much unlike the impeachment hearings.  We need conflict to survive and create.  We need it to grow.

It’s just here that I perceive a lot of conflicts internally and externally.

Like this house thing –  the roof, painting, and whatever.

I think stuff like this should be a done deal.
My dad had rentals when I was growing up.    I actually had to clean those rentals and every single one of them, save maybe two or three, were absolutely nasty.   I’m talking about dirty diapers in the freezer nasty.    Mouse skeletons in traps nasty.   Fleas attack upon entering nasty.

You get the idea.

So, I swore that I would never live in a nasty rundown house.   Cleaning up people’s crap for fifteen years or so will do that to a person.    I want to live in a nice place.   A leaky roof is one of those things… along with spots on the ceiling from rain leaking through.

Sure, it’s not like there are holes in the walls, but um…  It weighs on me.   A lot.

I just want to get it taken care of.    Sooner the better.    Waiting in BS when it obviously needs to be done.

Yes, I’m fussing.
Roofing company number five will be here shortly.

Another thing….

I actually bought myself a couple of things from Old Navy.   Two pairs of jeans and one pair of jeggings.  All three pairs were something like $12.   It’d be difficult to pull that off at a thrift store.

But what really sold me was that they’re a size smaller.
It was like I found a drop of water in the desert.    I felt validated — which I shouldn’t have been.  I know.  But, I did.

All of this walking and gym has paid off – a little – finally….?

If so, why did I feel so self-conscious walking in the mall wearing a pair of them?

I was literally aware of how they constricted my legs and waist.
I felt so self-conscious and miserable.   When, you know, I shouldn’t have been.  When I met up with Jason, I wanted to fish for compliments to help stabilize my poor self-esteem.

I didn’t because that never works out well.
That’s the whole…. does this make my butt look big… vein and that’s just never beneficial for anyone.

Maybe part of the stress is that I haven’t written for a couple of days.

I almost didn’t work on this post today as I favored working out in the yard.  But, I’ll deal with that after he leaves…. as he just got here.

This guy is named Don.   Tall.   Shaved white hair.   Talks like a game show host.
He’s going to provide estimates for a metal roof and the typical single.    I’m guessing Owens Corning as there’s only been one GAF company.

I’m betting he’s going to quote about $6000 to $7000 for an asphalt roof.   $15000 for a metal one.  $20000 for the metal one that doesn’t show the hardware.

But, after he comes into the house and sees the inside, he’ll probably abandon the metal roof selling point.    The last one did.

That’s another sore point… being pigeon-holed like that.

Whateves, right?

Here I sit like a twit….