Today… today is kind of a strange day.

Typically, little sister and I would be out and about. If this was June, Jason would be here and the day would just happen.

But, Jason and little sister had to work. I don’t have any appointments and had the day to myself. So, I slept in kind of late – about eight-ish. Spent some time catching up on phone games. Monday marks a new week in GoW and did some of that.

Then, I did some unseen cleaning. These are areas that tend not to be on the top ten list but annoy me if they go to long without attention. Armed with PineSol, I cleaned and dusted in Jason’s office a bit and caved into my inclination to condense. If a vitamin bottle was nearly empty and we had a spare, they magically become one so I can toss out the used bottle carcass. Half of the fridge was cleaned.

Just half because there’s food in there and it starts beeping when the door is open for too long. I hate the beeping with a passion. (Actually, I have difficulty with any beeping noise – like microwaves) Mainly, I organized the yogurt drawer.

Please don’t ask me why and I can’t explain it, but I have a drawer that’s dedicated to Zero Sugar Chaboni Yogurt. I eat one or two a day, minimum. One for breakfast, one for snack, and sometimes one later in the evening. I’m fairly sensitive to their expiration dates…. not that it matters. Yogurt tends to be so processed that the expiration date is more of a suggestion than a due date.

But, today, I went through them all and only found one that expired in June. All of the others that expire in July were pushed to the front for consumption.

Let’s see… I also went to the dump with a bag stuffed so full that it could have split. I also made a beef/bean concoction for Jason to eat over the next couple of days. It’s not as good as what the little sister usually gets him on Mondays — Arby’s or something — But, it’s different and he’ll have something from a fast good place later this week, if not tomorrow.

I’ve got a descent Panda Express discount. They’ve trimmed the menu so it’s not as great as what it could be. It expires within a week. I might use it if I ever go out that way. Otherwise, he has left overs.

So, it’s all good.

I’ve missed a couple of phone calls. One I believe is from Dr. S. I have a telehealth appointment with her tomorrow. I’ve been half way dodging her.

I’ve also missed a couple of calls from Centerstone and haven’t responded to texts.

I think it’s because they make me feel uncomfortable…. lacking…. I know I need to improve with food, depression, anxiety… whatever. But, right now, pretending that I’m almost normal is serving me.

The anxiety and everything are still there… like the yard. And I’ll be thankful when fall rolls around and mowing won’t be an issue. I’m not happy with my appearance and looking forward to hiding in hoodies again — although the cold makes me ache.

Can I at least pretend, for a while, just a little while, that I’m not physically and mentally cracking?