I joined the tube club.

The wound care set me up with a doctor in a nearby hospital.

I was in and out within an hour.

There were some stark differences.

The doctor from the local hospital was male. I was the last appointment of the day. Just kind of inserted in for a quick buck to fill some time. I was sitting in a fairly uncomfortable chair.

I was told repeatedly that it was going to feel like when the dentist numbs the teeth. It’s a sharp pain, but it’ll go away once the numbing kicks in.

– Although I repeatedly expressed that it’s fairly painful when the numbing is injected by the dentist, I was ignored.

I was told to turn my head, and out came a needle. It was long and thin. It needed to reach the eardrum and still be small enough to go through the ear hole.

I, notably phobic of needles and already having fight/flight going through my veins, did not react well.

Hence, I suppose (been told) that the panic attack set in, and I was scheduled for surgery.

Fast forward to today at a neighboring city…

The doctor was a lady. She explained a three-step process.

* Numbing via cream
* Cut
* Tube insertion.

None of this “dentist” BS.
I was told that there was going to be burning, popping, crackling, and pain. At least, for a while.

She didn’t go slowly, but at a good pace, and told me exactly what she was doing at any given time.

And, yes, somehow I got through it without crushing mom’s fingers.

Actually, I could have strengthened my grasp to be a lot tighter than it was, but didn’t. Just the contact was enough to help keep me still.


Looking back… yeah.
It needed to be done.

I’m already scheduled to go back to the oxygen casket on Monday. I have a full five days scheduled. Every day.

I’m not sure if the first session counts, as it takes at least three in a row to have some sort of benefit. I’ll be a permanent fixture until February, probably. Whatever 30 sessions equate to minus holidays and whatever. We’re not exactly in the sunniest part of the year. There could be snow days.

I’m grateful that I’ll be around people, but I’m also a little perturbed that I won’t have a day alone.
— Truthfully, that’s probably a good thing. I tend to be out of my head when I’m around people – less distressed – less anxious.

Jason and I may have to reschedule our typical routines. Errands may have to be moved to Saturday, which would be fine. I think it would be for a while. We’ll work something out.

My anxiety level has dropped – just a bit.
Now, all I got is scheduling around the casket, controlling my bladder and impatience for being inert for multiple hours a day, money, class, holidays, the infection, the care of the infection, relationships, and just disappointing everyone in general forever and ever.

But now I have tubes in my ears. Everything is muffled. It’s probably going to hurt when the numbing stuff wears off.

———- Nothing probably about it. It is hurting. A slow throb now but it’ll more than likely to become more notable later.

Mom was with me. Little sister was worried. Jason is still putting up with my crap.

I can continue to work on attempting to extend my time just a little bit more. I need to fulfill my role as an irritant.

And, with the tubes, at least I have an excuse for not listening to them.