I’m…. I’m feeling a bit compromised.

Okay.
I’m feeling a lot compromised.
I’m also feeling mad as heck.

Today, a new complication came up.

I thought I was doing okay, chronic infection-wise.
You know, I did the oxygen casket. I take the antibiotics. I do all the things expected of me…

Save eating ultra processed food and other crap.

I take all of the shots, the pills, and everything.

I try not to squirm when the padding goes into the wound and … although I occasionally fail… I don’t scratch.

I try to do all the things and have been holding steady since about January. Three months, roughly.

The infection hasn’t gotten better. It hasn’t gotten worse. One wound has been open for eight months. The other for about four.

They’re just there.

Tuesday or so of last week I had dark patch. Mom noticed. The massage guy noticed. It was there today when I did my weekly check-in.

Um… It’s a DTI – Deep Tissue Injury.
Doctor Z actually seemed alarmed. Both nurses said that it’s ‘delicate.’

If the skin splits open, I’ll have a third wound right on the spine and directly in the middle of the other two.

That’d be three – one on my shoulder. One on my waist. One in mid back on the spine.

And, you know, I guess I’ve kinda felt it for a while. The past couple of times I saw the massage guy, I mentioned how strained it felt. That area didn’t hurt, but just felt tender.

Last Tuesday or so, the open wounds felt tender.

So, maybe I kind of knew it was there, but it just became physically noticeable over the past couple of days.

And right now… there isn’t an answer.
Some blue foam stuff is supposed to cover it — which the shirt doesn’t hide at all — and I have to hope that it doesn’t open.

I’m having difficulty wrapping my head around this.

The knots on my legs are probably infection-filled. The wounds definitely are. I can hide those.

But I can’t hide an inch or two of foam taped to my back.

I draw enough attention with being hunched now. I can generally ignore it.

I don’t care what other people think of me. Honestly, I don’t.

It’s just… another mark of being weak. Another trial. Another error. Another sign of mortality. Of weakness.

It’s not even cool.
Why can’t these things be nice tattoos?

I’m just having a hard time coping.
It’s hard enough now not to flinch when Jason touches my shoulder, or I sit in the truck to drive.

Now what?

I just need time to adjust.

The infection doctor – the one who decided when the surgery happens, is next week. I wonder how this will impact that.

So,,.. Yeah.
I hope everyone is having a great day.