after thoughts

Don't live the American dream. Live your dream.

Daily writing prompt
What’s a promise you made to yourself that you’ve actually kept?

Well… nothing material comes to mind.

I used to promise myself a little something on my birthday – and that didn’t last.

Then I used to promise myself some sort of reward after surviving something difficult – like the stay at Methodist, Selah, or whatever.

That never happened.

I used to promise myself some sort of treat after a class ended – especially the horrific ones.

That didn’t materialize.

Self-denial via rationalization is a superpower.

I like to think that my current attitude towards food and other areas is more self-discipline than a promise. Although I guess it could be.

No lie – I have a lot going on physically and mentally.
If I do what is recommended and sometimes demanded, I wouldn’t be me.

No matter how much I want to just cave in and abandon personal accountability – to be told what to do and just become a sheep – that would break the promise to be my authentic self.

If those around me like me for me, breaking the promise to be authentic would be a high-order betrayal.

Of course, I’m still not sure what my authentic self is – and probably never know. I’ll die not knowing.

But that’s okay.
I may never know who I am, but at least I’ll know what I’m not.

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