I’m a bit jaded today.

Okay, a lot jaded.

The meanness, stubbornness, and exceedingly critical review of – everything — including the stupid writing prompt from WordPress – is just a front for a deep well of emptiness. For desperation.

I’m not exhausted – although I would prefer it. I crave the flatlined mind that’ll just go offline and, hopefully, when I wake up, I’ll be refreshed. Renewed.

I actually started PalWorld.
Last night, during my private time while Jason sleeps, I didn’t get on the bike. I opened the game and almost didn’t put it down.

My head was nodding.
I didn’t have any clear goals for what I wanted to do, but I just knew I had to do something. I’m afraid of running out of food for the pets.

Just like other games and in life, I guess, I’m in hoarding mode. I want everything and a lot of it. This includes crafting materials, food, money, dog coins, and even pets. Since some are better than others and, although I’m not sure, there’s a thing where multiples can be mushed together.

I need to look that up.

But I also hoard tech points and spend only what I consider necessary for the time. I don’t invest in the stats of the pets because I know that there are better pets and better tech.

That’s what I’ll want, and the little skipping stones between A and D are unneeded. While spending sources and precious sources on B and C, D can be reached with enough fist punches into a steel wall?

Heck, I still use and pick up the starter balls.
They’re absolutely not the best but, like Ukrainian dones, there’s little risk in losing them. With a freeze pet to stun, I can toss them all day. Eventually, that 10% chance rate will become 100%.

Yes, I’m that stingy.
But, you know what?

This is the first non-mobile game I’ve taken seriously in years – if you don’t count Honey Pop. Which I don’t. It’s just another match game.

I’m shamelessly playing it on the easiest setting because I hate corpse runs. Hated them in EQ. Hated them in Shadowbane. I’m actively avoiding that friction.

It’s exceedingly interesting how I, Jason, and the little sister are going about our worldbuilding. That deserves its own blog and introspection. I think it reveals, to a degree, how we react to others, how we warrant expenditures, and just life in general.

I’m very apprehensive about my addictive personality concerning games. I can easily see myself tumbling into PalWorld without a second thought.

I could open it right now if I wanted. But if I did so, multiple hours would pass just like this morning. The hours of midnight and three AM only had me log out because I was afraid I’d drop and break the Steam Deck.

It’s finals week for the class.
I’m closing my eyes (mostly) against all the AI shitty slop that’s coming in.

My infection isn’t better – it’s worse. A home IV drip may be in my future. That’s like the equivalent of the feeding tube they tried to push on me.

I fully feel that I’m being attacked.
I’m helpless. And I’m mad.

Synthetic stories, music, and prescription drugs aren’t going to help. It’s going to hurt. Ultra-processed media is just as bad, if not worse, than ultra-processed food.

But, at least with Pal, there are others – Jason and little sis – to form a community. =)

We’re on different servers and whatever, but it’s points of conversation, and we’re learning – exchanging ideas – and it’s awesome.

– Anyway, I can’t just keep hitting refresh waiting for AI slop final essays to come in.

So, I’m going to do something else that’s equally useless.