For a while there, I felt like I was starting to blog fairly regularly. It was at least a couple of times a week. I was thinking ahead and even have three or so posts pending from ideas that I wanted to feel out before going all in.

I think I was enjoying it but it all kind of dried up.

Poof – like most things – I just suddenly lost interest.
Blogging – something that I was starting to enjoy again – kind of the gateway to writing – just became a bore and a burden.

Even now it does as I write this.
It’s just something to fill in a bit of time before moving on to the other.

I think, maybe, this has something to do with current state — gathering test information pending the unavoidable operation.

I was introduced to the wonderful world of muscle rotations, wound vacs, and spinal fluid leaks. All this and more awaits! Or possibly awaits.

Pretty sure it awaits and I don’t think it’ll be waiting that long. Probably end of the year, judging by the urgency I’m picking from Dr. B, Dr. S, and Dr. B.

I think starting convalescing in the winter would be less damaging than in the spring—maybe.

A focus – not that it ever really went away I guess – has been placed back on my diet. Oddly enough, I’m still very sensitive to that and don’t like to discuss.

That doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t, just that I don’t like to.

I recognize the concern and – have – been paying a bit more attention. I’ve been trying to eat more consistently and increase protein – even if I’m not hungry. That’s difficult.

The sobering realization that I won’t ever get to visit Ireland, Japan, and other places – because of the state of the world and my probably inability to travel – ever – is sobering. I’ve promised myself I’d go kayaking, horseback riding, visit every federal park featured in a calendar — probably not going to happen.

Or, even if it would, I wouldn’t be in a state to enjoy it. I’ll be Bernie on a permanent weekend.

Just like my dad… he promised mom Europe – and that didn’t happen. Will never happen.

Promises made.
Promises broken.

I waited and waited for a better time – a better time doesn’t exist.