While eight days from now isn’t my release, it’s the next step on this long and phone-shattering gravel road.

I’ll probably be released three or four days after, pending fate.

But I feel that the honeymoon between the staff and me has completely shifted. In a recent post, I created a type of list for hospital survival. Purely subjective and based on personal experiences, I was putting that strategy into practice.

I called people by their names. Greeted them, complimented them, listened to whatever stories they wanted to share, and tried to share a little of my own. I tried not to be overly taxing as there are evolving patients with various needs, fears, and wants. I am doing well, all things considered, and felt that I was contributing to their effectiveness.

Being their wound-vac-tethered cheerleader had some perks, mainly that the bed and chair alarms weren’t set, and I could bend the rules a little and complete some actions independently. It’s an absolute godsend not to have to wait on someone to take a piss. Also, if I asked for something, I would receive multiples. One Sprite Zero became two. One sugar-free chocolate pudding cup spawned a complimentary vanilla.

This helped satisfy one of my other strategies – hoarding – without them noticing it. It also gave me a twisted sense of control. That’s something that I feel I need and have desperately lacked for most of my life.

So, overall, good.

But as of the 21st, the situation soured, and I’m not sure why exactly, although I can speculate.

First – it was the nearly 600 calorie, 30 gram fat, ‘nutritional’ drink that appeared with breakfast. I shrugged it off, actually, knowing that it wasn’t intentionally malicious, but it did immediately place me on yellow alert.

The morning shift came in, and I asked about his day off and girlfriend, Gretchen. I didn’t receive a sincere answer but an impersonal one. It was quite the opposite of his gushing about his girl and the new Call of Duty that he pre-ordered. His assistant didn’t bother to state her name. I got it from her badge. New to the floor, she eventually warmed up and told me about her trip to Nashville, family, boyfriend, and desire to be an anesthesiologist.

I started to feel a little better. New Girl and I walked the halls a bit, and we talked about the state of education, travel, and just life in general.

Before the end of the shift, I was warned not to take liberties. While the bed and chair alarms aren’t active, I still needed to call for any little thing- like the bathroom- or they would ‘find out’ somehow, and I would be placed on lockdown.

So, I tried to comply.
I know, via observation and listening, that shift change is 7 to 730. The staff is stretched thin. I was sitting in the chair and, at about 9, I buzzed with three requests.

—- Bathroom
— The IV stand was out of battery and horribly beeping. It needed to be plugged in.
— I wanted a cold Ensure.

Nada. After half an hour, it went by painfully.
Ten minutes more.

I just couldn’t take it anymore.

Bathroom.
Plugged the IV.
— No Ensure, but I solved that later.

Dinner had issues. No plastic utensils, the broccoli was cold, the turkey was warm, and they forgot the sweetener. I ate my pudding with my fingers. I could have asked for it to be warmed up… but since I couldn’t get anyone to come to my room, it didn’t happen. I ate my ultra-processed pudding with my fingers.

Around 10, Brianna flew in, took vitals — but forgot the temperature — and flew out. I think that was a whole five minutes, generously, because she had issues with the blood pressure cuff.

She’s not friendly. She didn’t ask how I was doing. Zero small talk. I’m doing my thing and drinking my warm Ensure from dinner. Not as good cold, but okay.


I lasted till 330ish am before I had to get up again.
I was a good girl – buzzed – and nothing. Yep. So… quickly, I went and cleaned up after myself. Hopefully, the room doesn’t smell that bad… and didn’t see anyone else again until about 6am.

Spoke to the nurse who came in at length — feeling a little better now — She calmed me down a bit. We talked about her family, trip to Cancun, and Cruzin Rum. Great distractions.

But she couldn’t draw blood. She tried for at least ten minutes. One poke, but she tried to stab the vein — and nothing came out.

I’m starting out this morning with watery eyes and a VERY ouchy arm. They haven’t even got to the burn antibiotics yet.

There’s a little hope — The neurosurgery assistant came in. He said he’d check to see if I need labs drawn so much. Maybe once a day instead of three? Maybe. Although the burn antibiotics are a must. That’s through an open thing taped to my arm. It’s not a stick, but a slow burn.

Course, there’s the bone shot.
But, they do it a little differently here. Limited sample size, but it doesn’t hurt as much, and I don’t think they pump as much in either.

The guy a door over hasn’t vomited in the last hour and his ringtone “Meet the Flintstones” hasn’t made me cringe. That’s helpful.

The local news says that the trees will peak in the first week of November. Maybe I’ll get to see fall – just a bit – sort of.

Okay……….. It’s not even 8 am. How about that?

Maybe it won’t be completely bad as I march to the 30th.