after thoughts

Don't live the American dream. Live your dream.

eating disorder

  • 7/5

    I am honestly trying to get back into the habit of writing every day. At one point in my life, I wrote at least two hours a day every day.   If I didn’t, I felt like I wasn’t doing justice to myself.    I was excluding something vital. Then a bunch of stuff happened… Read more

  • 7/1

    I think I’m handling this change well. I was supposed to go out with baby brother, but he hurt his leg last night. We’re staying instead of heading to the gym. At one point, I would have been internally furious at this. I would have been upset, sad, and scheming on how to make up… Read more

  • 6/25

    I shoulda went to the gym today and then did some running, but I didn’t do that.   Instead, I spent two hours at the park making myself feel really silly. You see, I spent a silly amount of energy on Wizards United trying to get a fracking owl lecturn to prepare for this weekend’s… Read more

  • 6/3 – freewriting

    He knew her before he knew her name. The ebony hair on the white pillow.   The pale and nearly translucent skin.  A barely breathing corpse. It was just like his dream. He knew this was why he had studied and trained for years to become a doctor.   Just to fulfill this dream. It was her. … Read more

  • 5/27

    I tend to write more when I’m in Indiana. I think that’s because some of my worries are poof. I’m not worried about the water bill or the electric bill.   I feel comfortable getting something to eat.  The family doesn’t get on me too much about it and I know enough to stay away from… Read more

  • Giving it a try – Freewriting

    Do you remember me? I remember you. I remember your smile and the curve of your face. Your laughter was my melody.  Your heartbeat was my rhythm. The gleam of your eyes when you focused on me.   On me and only me. Or, I thought it was on me. Rather, you didn’t see me. My… Read more

  • 5/18

    Here I sit. I have a blood draw at one and it’s eleven. There’s nothing to do in class.  Well, there’s always something, but I’m not doing it right now. The house is quiet save for the clanking in the dryer. I’m actually kind of nervous about the blood draw. Okay.   I famously hate needles,… Read more

  • 5/13

    I’m in a unique situation. I’m the oldest of three siblings, who are all in their 40s, who still get along with each other.  I think that’s something my dad never dreamed possible when he is, in part, responsible for our unity. Sure, we think and say bad things about each other every now and… Read more

  • 5/9

    Well, after overstaying my welcome for a month and a week, I’m heading home tomorrow. That’s harsh. This is my house too, but it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. But, that’s okay.   Sometimes, Mom’s house doesn’t feel like I belong there either.   I’m loved at either place.    That’s more I can ask… Read more

  • 4/20 — part 2

    I am sooooo going for a walk tomorrow. Today has been horribly blah. Yeah, it’s been raining a bit, but it stopped.  I could have taken a walk this evening but didn’t for some reason.  I guess it’s okay to have a blah day every now and then. I didn’t clean out any closets or… Read more