after thoughts

Don't live the American dream. Live your dream.

eating disorder

  • 1/14

    Jason isn’t back from his Tampa class yet, so I thought I’d give this another go before I fall asleep. I’m listening to: While it says super intelligence and memory, I’m about ready to just pass out.  It’s gently sapping my energy. Recent impressions of the new year – Retail.    Since I’m in a… Read more

  • 1/10

    In a way, I feel like I’ve been self-harming a little bit. Not like mutilation or anything like that. It’s more along the lines of anorexia.    Eating too much.   Not eating enough. Drinking milk, although I know that sets off some very uncomfortable hot flashes.  I endure stress, negative thoughts, and self-doubt which often… Read more

  • 1/6

    I don’t think anyone lives in the here and now. We’re stuck in the past of where and when or mired in the future of what and why. Accept for anorexics. We live focused in the past, present, and future. Before taking that first bite, there is a severe mental calculation that accounts for everything… Read more

  • 1/4

    I’ve felt exceedingly fragile since I’ve been here. That’s difficult for me to admit, but it has been and I think my seams are showing. When I  came to Florida previously, I always had a plan.    Even if it was just buying a new doormat, I had a plan.  Doormats can be epic adventures… Read more

  • 12/27

    To be honest, I haven’t felt like writing over the past couple of weeks. That’s not true.    I’ve felt like writing, but haven’t had the willpower or motivation to do anything. I think the reason is because of how I’m reacting to the situations and surroundings presented to me. Just to be clear, I… Read more

  • 12/12

    The middle of December is always an odd time. It’s not quite the heart of winter, but well within the last days of the calendar year. Up north, if we’re quiet, we can see struggling signs of life in the snow. Down south, there’s an almost unnatural stillness.  The trees are still green.   The sun… Read more

  • Floridians and Christmas

    I think it was the third or fourth year Obama was president, Jason and I went for a walk a few days before Christmas to see the lights. We saw token lights from the bigger houses, rarely, but the two and three-bedroom houses in the neighborhood where dark – desperately dark.  On occasion, lights peeped… Read more

  • 12/6

    Sometimes I wonder if my Prozac dosage didn’t change since I’ve been here. Certainly, there’s quite a bit of difference between here and Indiana.  Both good and bad.   But, I guess in Florida I’m adulting more than in Indiana.     It’s easier to be wise and beneficial when I don’t feel that I have as… Read more

  • 11/30 pt 2

    I got to write a blog this morning and here I am again. To avoid Jason becoming a sun crisp, we’re going to go out later this evening.    —   Which is a bit hilarious for the northerner in me considering that it’s late November — I could clean up some stuff around the… Read more

  • 11/30

    Survived Thanksgiving. The day was pretty rough mentally, but I think I survived it fairly well. I kept chanting ‘no whammies’ and I guess it worked for once. First, of course, there was the whole food thing. I don’t think anyone really appreciates the dread us anorexics go through outside of another anorexic.  Especially one… Read more