after thoughts

Don't live the American dream. Live your dream.

eating disorder

  • 2/1

    Today is odd, but it kind of feels right. We’re not going anywhere today – cept for a pizza run.   Jason has been playing games for most of the day as I have, although I check in on my class from time to time to grade the odd assignment. It’s Superbowl weekend.  I’m either… Read more

  • 1/23

    At home today… which isn’t that bad. I’m pretty sure I walked over ten miles yesterday between St. John’s Pass and Seminole.    Towards the end of my sojourn, my legs were going nope, nope, nope, nope.   They were mostly numb for the rest of the night… which is good.  My back was doing enough… Read more

  • 1/17 – part two

    I don’t like these uneasy hours.     They’re wasted. I can’t really start on a major cleaning project because I know I won’t be finished by the time Jason comes home.    I ran out of supplies to work outside. It’s too early to begin cooking dinner and right now there’s nothing to do in… Read more

  • 1/17

    Today… today I devote myself to classwork, straightening the yard, and continuing to clean the house. My original thought today was to go to the gym for a while but wanted to wait for the bug guy.   Because Florida has some huge bugs and I don’t like bugs, Mr. Bug Guy comes out once every… Read more

  • 1/14

    Jason isn’t back from his Tampa class yet, so I thought I’d give this another go before I fall asleep. I’m listening to: While it says super intelligence and memory, I’m about ready to just pass out.  It’s gently sapping my energy. Recent impressions of the new year – Retail.    Since I’m in a… Read more

  • 1/10

    In a way, I feel like I’ve been self-harming a little bit. Not like mutilation or anything like that. It’s more along the lines of anorexia.    Eating too much.   Not eating enough. Drinking milk, although I know that sets off some very uncomfortable hot flashes.  I endure stress, negative thoughts, and self-doubt which often… Read more

  • 1/6

    I don’t think anyone lives in the here and now. We’re stuck in the past of where and when or mired in the future of what and why. Accept for anorexics. We live focused in the past, present, and future. Before taking that first bite, there is a severe mental calculation that accounts for everything… Read more

  • 1/4

    I’ve felt exceedingly fragile since I’ve been here. That’s difficult for me to admit, but it has been and I think my seams are showing. When I  came to Florida previously, I always had a plan.    Even if it was just buying a new doormat, I had a plan.  Doormats can be epic adventures… Read more

  • 12/27

    To be honest, I haven’t felt like writing over the past couple of weeks. That’s not true.    I’ve felt like writing, but haven’t had the willpower or motivation to do anything. I think the reason is because of how I’m reacting to the situations and surroundings presented to me. Just to be clear, I… Read more

  • 12/12

    The middle of December is always an odd time. It’s not quite the heart of winter, but well within the last days of the calendar year. Up north, if we’re quiet, we can see struggling signs of life in the snow. Down south, there’s an almost unnatural stillness.  The trees are still green.   The sun… Read more