Jason is ill this weekend.
I’m not sure what’s wrong outside of a sore throat. He won’t allow a doctor visit – which is understandable. Being the weekend, a doctor would probably be ER and there’s probably not a reason for that level of care.

Although hauling him into Kroger or CVS for a quick look is an idea. But, if he doesn’t want to go, I’m not going to press the issue… unless he doesn’t feel better by Monday or Tuesday.

Then, I’m seriously hauling him out by an ear to a doctor somewhere. Even if he doesn’t like it. I can be really b**chy when I want to be.

So, we didn’t go anywhere which, actually, helped elevate anxiety on my side. This is the last weekend of class. The last day is tomorrow.

The class always has some level of anxiety, but doubly so during the last couple of weeks and quadruple for the last weekend. That’s when all the finals come in. The sleeper students panic and there’s a deadline.

I’m also in the “get it off” mode. Students are sick of me and I’m absolutely repulsed by the majority of them. It’s time to move on.

When I’m away from the computer, all of this stuff builds up and I become very anxious and upset. I want to be there to get this done and dusted.

With Jason being ill, I got to do that. Actually, I probably indulged a little too much. It was kind of like back when I started to be anorexic. I monitored, replied, and graded all assignments within an hour of submission.

I did that again this weekend. I couldn’t sleep and was up at four am grading assignments that came in late and hitting that refresh to see if anything came in.

Oddly, sitting here now at 10:30, it’s oddly satisfying. There isn’t anything to grade (although there should be later). All finals, discussions, quizzes, reflections… ect… all done.

It’s such a relief.
If Jason and I went out, I would be scrambling right now to catch up and probably in full panic mode. But, I’m not.

I hate that he’s ill but he picked a good time for it.

This is kind of like when he mowed the grass. I had such anxiety… build up… apprehension… The fight/flight/freeze was starting to kick in. But, when he took care of it, all of it was discharged.

I was apprehensive about going out this weekend. I wanted to. It’s good to get out with Jason and we don’t do so nearly as often as we should, I think. A time when us can be us.

But it’s difficult for me to be me when I feel that I have this mountain of crap ready to dump all over me. I’m trying to hold back an avalanche of stupid BS students and assignments that have to be completed as quickly as possible.

The air was let out — for the most part. I know I still have more coming — but the majority should be done. “”Now “” maybe I can relax and be me for a little while and enjoy time with Jason. Providing he feels better and I can keep tabs on the class all day today.

It doesn’t make since, I know. But it does to me.

In 48 hours, no more Tricia – telling me that I’m “not fair” and full of BS. No more (hopefully) Gwen. She’s the real sleeper of the class. Only turned in five assignments but demands an extension for “sick relatives.” She may have cared for them, but didn’t email. Didn’t tell her advisor. Didn’t work on the final project at all. Gwen needs to step off and redo… but college is a business. They’ll do their best to make sure she continues to the next term for that sweet government funding.

The quality of education or abuse of adjuncts not being paid for extensions are not of consequence.

So… yeah…

Okay. I’m going to check on him now and maybe take a nap with him. =)