I… I haven’t been well lately.

A lot of this I think I’m placing on myself.

I’m anxious about work.
About my health.
About relationships.
About the holidays.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away and I’m stressing.

I’m quite happy with my current consumption of food. The pressure of mashed potatoes, gravy, dressing…

I just don’t want it.
I don’t want to eat it.
I don’t want to compromise.

If belief is important, I believe that I’m doing well now. Since I believe that I am stable and that consumption of other food would make me mentally (if not physically) ill or even uncomfortable, I don’t want to do it. Moreover, I don’t need to.

Still, despite my perceived improvement, I receive uncomfortable glances from strangers. (so proclaimed) Medical professionals label me as “failure to thrive.” (so called) Counselors say I should go on disability.

Along with Jason, we feel increasingly isolated, lonely, and – by extension – anxious, depressed, and hopeless.

We’re looking at the back half of our lives and seeing what’s going on around us. How the up-and-coming generations have better jobs, opportunities, and pay although we perceive them to be befuddled, lack the basic critical thinking skills, and are near hopeless without some sort of electronic devise.

Even in my own class, AI is exceedingly evident.
The discussion posts have the some content but is worded just a little differently. APA references are correct but the URL links go to something entirely different. The grammar is just a bit too perfect.

And the college endorses this outsourcing of think and critical thinking. Honestly, they always have but now even more so. Artificial Intelligence provides a reason to continue what they have supported for over fifty years.

The holidays, college, learning, family, work, prosperity… Even if we do everything right, it turns out wrong.

I don’t dread family.
I’m horrified of spending time sharing experiences – like dinner. (NO POTATOES< GRAVY< DRESSING<PIE<CHOCOLATE.)

I adore Jason.
But I feel that I continually disappoint, cause issues, and am holding him back from his full potential.

I would like to think that the world is whole and good. But the news, observations, and how “confidences are coincidental” are to much to ignore.

, I would like to think that I’ve done the right things with my life, lived proudly, and will be remembered. That I would be strong. But I’m not.

It’s truly a comfortable dystopia.