Well, I’m kind of at a loss on what to do with my day now.

I had my online appointment with Centerstone Allison. Reached out to the wound care center for clarification about how often the packing should be changed in my spine, and rescheduled Dr. P’s appointment as it conflicted with a lung appointment.

I had my mid-morning max protein Ensure and my second piece of bread for the day. My daily goal is at least 100 grams of protein a day. Right now, I think I’m about at 45g.

For lunch, I’m going to have a cup of unsweet almond milk, salad, and grapes. That might be a good time to have the extra protein to make sure I hit that 100 gram goal.

With Jason bringing home dinner and maybe a protein milk So… check.

I actually feel fairly confident about the protein kick. It isn’t triggering the anorexia so much. Well, a little every now and then, but I’ve been able to manage. Jason continues to be a god-send in this area. Although I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t devote myself to protein, I would struggle more and struggle greatly without him.

I’m so thankful that he, my mom, sister, and brother are in my life. I would literally be lost without them. I wouldn’t be who I am and, currently, I don’t like who I am. I would be a lot worse.

The classes are currently caught up. We’re in Week Six… rough draft week. This week and the next week and a half are critical. I was offered a single class for November, as requested, so I can keep my insurance.
– I’d be happy to prepare that class during this lull but it hasn’t been loaded yet.

Well, we’re just past noon now.
— I would like to responsibly row for a little while. My PT scan said that my chest was too muscular to gain an accurate reading despite being just over 100 pounds. So, I’m rather PROUD of my smothered muscular chest. —- Odd for me to be actually proud of a little piece of my body again. I’ve actually got some positive comments about my legs too.

Since Jason has the next four days off and the rower is the most effective at hitting the chest and legs at the same time, I don’t see a lot of time on it happening…. which is probably good… keep me limited….. it’s a control aspect….

Well, I consider it a ‘priority’ aspect. I’ve taken note of how selfish I’ve been or feel that I’ve been. Instead, I’m trying to rearrange my priorities…. the people in my life come first. That’s a driving factor for attempting to gain better sleep and the protein. I think it’s difficult to be there for them if they’re exceedingly worried about me when there are aspects that I might not be able to fully control…. but can at least try to.

It’s frustrating and long. I feel like I’m just continually repotting myself instead of pushing forward and branching out.

But… at least in this moment… I’m making it a priority to try to branch…. flower… whatever nature term you want to insert here. I’m trying not to ride the anxiety wave and keep it down.

Some days are better than others, of course….

I am actively trying – rather it is out of prioritizing or a feeling of self-preservation – to move forward.